How We Proceed/A Prayer for More Frozen Ones

Clearly, accomplishment in life cannot be measured in terms of years alone. It often happens that those that die young have accomplished more than others who live to old age. Even infants, who sometimes have been with their parents only a few days, or even hours, may leave profound influences that change the entire course of the life of the family. And undoubtedly, from the Divine viewpoint, the specific purpose for which they were sent into the world was accomplished. It is our right neither to take life prematurely, nor to insist on its extension beyond the mark that God has set for it.

Loraine Boettner

Back in October, Micah and I talked through this season of our lives adopting embryos. We talked about the possible outcomes and variables. We even listed our primary goal and expectations. We took our knowledge, research, and understanding and added much prayer and anticipation. From these, we formed a plan concluding that three embryo transfers seemed feasible and gave concrete reasons for that decision. The past two months we have added struggle, suffering, and much emotion to our conglomeration of information and in turn, questioned that decision. God has already grown our family and we, by His grace, have accomplished what we desired to do; show honor, dignity, and respect to the lives of frozen, bearers of the image of God. There are no more embryos with our "names on them" at our clinic. We have cared for all the little ones God has placed in our family arms thus far. The process has been a joyfully excruciating one. Our initial conversation aside, the end of this season seemed near.

But then I wondered, if the Lord allows me more years on this earth, would I one day have any regrets? There are certainly very good reasons to regroup and move on walking down a new path of adoption (which was in our original plan as well). I have been forced to ask myself, what then are our reasons for changing paths now? The one and only reason I have is simply because it has been so hard. Loving little ones and letting them go, as I have stated before, wasn't the path I would have chosen for myself. Working for/against me is the fact that all those God calls, He also equips. In His equipping of me for this task, He made me with more than a fair amount of stubbornness that doesn't permit my one reason much validity. Instead, Micah and I have both concluded that finishing well and not having any regrets later is the best choice. I have been so glad we both came to the same decision seperately, yet in unison. It seems that God has created us to do this work, and we desire to see it through to the end. Our family has uniquely learned to love embryos and sympathize with the plight of those dealing with infertility. Even though he wasn't describing embryos, Mr. Boettner's quote describes our little ones and their impact on our lives. This impact pushes us forward and makes us completely and totally up for one last embryo adoption. Long term, we aren't sure what our role will be in continuing to be a voice for the voiceless, but I am sure this flame will not burn out in us during our lifetime.

We recently sat down with the Nurse Practitioner to talk about a third transfer. The news she gave us was interesting, wonderful, and enlightening all at the same time. In the clinic where we have adopted all our little ones, there are as of now, no more "available" embryos for adoption. That entire manila folder-full has been cared for. What glorious news! It was also good to hear her re-affirm her desire that all embryos created within their office be given a chance at life. However, there are a number of families that have abandoned their embryos and not provided for their adoption. If you have been following my blog long, you may remember an article I posted describing the problem IVF patients face when they have "left-over" embryos. It can be an agonizing decision, especially if they go into IVF without considering all possible outcomes ahead of time. Some families make sure they give a chance at life to all their little ones. Others, like the parents of our children, do give up their rights and allow their remaining embryos to be adopted. There are some, who will donate them for research thus destroying them or simply choose for them to be discarded in some way. The NP has been urging these families to give up their rights and allow the staff to place them with other families. Our family has joined her in this urging, just in a different way. We are specifically praying for the families of our particular clinic to be burdened with their choice and either take responsibility for their own embryos and give them a chance at life, or allow another family to do so. We ask you to join us in our prayers. Micah and I will be calling the clinic in mid-June to see if there are embryos that have been released. We plan to give it just a few months. If God has more little ones for us, we are ready and joyfully willing to care for them to the best of our ability and to the glory of God our Father. If not, we feel at peace in this end as well.

Our clinic is no different than many others (if not all) across the US. Let me say aloud that we understand and sympathize with couples facing infertility and secondary infertility. We are just praying that we may honor our Creator God with our choices when it comes to human life.

Easter and Other Things

One sign that our Andrew is growing up is that he seems to be losing teeth at an astounding rate! He now has two tooth-size holes in his sweet smile. I love to hear him read any words with the "s" and "sh" sounds aloud in school. So far, I have been the tooth-puller. My strategy- to make sure the tooth is good and ready to come out and tell Andrew, "I am going to have this thing out in 10 seconds. Okay- start counting!" Usually, it is out by 3. With four teeth down and several more to go, he is forming quite a relationship with the tooth fairy. About 10 minutes after he lays down for bed the night of her visit he yells to Micah and me, "I'm about asleep! You can go ahead and come in with the tooth money!" There is no fooling Andrew when it comes to things as serious as money for his piggy bank. There have been a number of thunderstorms lately... and days and days of rain. We live in a second-story apartment and we recently had a Tornado Warning that seemed pretty serious. Since we do not have a good place to wait out a storm, Micah suggested at 11:30 p.m. to head over the the apartment clubhouse and wait it out in the basement. There are a series of rooms there and we thought for sure we would find safety- or at least a more safe place than our bedroom closet. Micah and I quickly put together a "wait out the storm" bag and loaded the kids in the van since the clubhouse is several buildings over. Andrew woke up immediately and wanted to make sure he knew the plan. Elijah, however, more resembled Jesus in the boat with the disciples in his approach to facing the weather conditions. We got over to the clubhouse, unloaded everything and everyone still sleeping (Elijah) and hurried through the rain into the basement. The only thing I can say is- windows and glass everywhere. Not only are there floor to ceiling windows in every room (office, exercise room, Pilate's studio, etc.) but there are also floor to ceiling windows that separate each room from the interior hallway. One entry way side of the building was two-stories of glass and another side is a rec-room that used to be a glass-enclosed indoor pool. We might have well gone to a kitchen store and stood in the knife section. By this time, the storm was too close to load back up and head back to our better equipped, second-story tornado shelter. Thankfully, Andrew and I did scope out a furnace room without panes and panes and more panes of glass! After following the WHAS11 live news feed on the Internet for an hour including multiple viewings of the same commercial for "Craig and Landreth Cars" and having the electricity flicker a few times, all was well and we headed home. We were so thankful to be protected despite our circumstances. We will have a better plan next time!

Today, we celebrated Resurrection Day with our church family. The boys sported some new big-boy clothes. I have some handsome boys, if I do say so myself! Elijah was so kind to take this picture of Mommy and Daddy~ and just in case you're wondering, we didn't coordinate our Easter clothing; it just happened to work out that way:) Our church decorated the sanctuary with hydrangeas this year. We placed one in honor of our little ones and celebrated the hope we have through Christ who now stands victorious over sin and death~ Micah and I have some new news on the embryo adoption front to share as well as more specific ways for you all to be informed about how to pray for these particular orphans ~ so stay tuned!

Let the Business Begin!

Wednesday, April 13th marked our last day of being apart from Micah. The boys and I drove back down to Atlanta for a weekend celebration with Micah and the group of Chick-fil-a Operators and Corporate Employees training with him. The trip down was long, but the boys looked content at our stop at a Cracker Barrel along the way. I think they were just so glad to be going to "pick-up Daddy"!

Thursday evening, the group visited Turner Field, home of the Atlanta Braves as well as the Tomahawk-Chopping Chick-fil-a Cow standing high above the crowd.

Friday, April 15, 2011. Micah graduated from the FRL (Fundamentals of Restaurant Leadership) class. The boys and I are so proud of him~ With the contracts signed, he is officially a business owner! Those who have followed us over the last couple of years know what a long road it has been. It was humbling to see Micah recognized for all his sacrifice. Knowing him as I do, I am aware that recognition is not his goal, but to simply follow the path God has given him with humility and servant-leadership. I have been so fortunate to have a front-row seat, watching God give him direction and then provide the perseverance. There have definitely been struggles, but the result has been so well worth it. The extent of the hardship was completely and satisfyingly proportionate to the sweetness of the accomplishment. We thank God for the daily portions of grace that moved us all through the last couple of years. Being a part of the Chick-fil-a family is a gift. We were thankful Micah's parents could join us for the "Con-grad-u-lation" (as Elijah called it;) combining Congratulations and Graduation).

Update

During my friend Cara's visit two weeks ago, Danae (my snowflake sister) had her first ultrasound. It was sad to learn that one baby had not lived however the other was growing normally. We learned yesterday, though, that now God has also taken that child to be with Him. I know Danae, her husband Josh, and their two girls appreciate prayers right now. Micah and I feel so fortunate to be walking this embryo adoption road with brave souls like them. Our hearts break with theirs as they carry their babies to Jesus.

Moving Forward

A few days after we found out about our little ones, Micah flew to Atlanta for Operator Training for Chick-fil-a. God's timing can be a little curious... However, with four weeks down and one left to go, I am so thankful the time has gone by quickly- Partially thanks to friends that continued to love on us and keep us busy. I had to post these pics of all the precious faces that have come through our home:Where are the adults, you may ask? Well, probably cooking, cleaning up from said cooking, admonishing, encouraging, scrubbing something, thinking about what to cook next, or investigating something (usually an alarming noise;)). What a blessing to have a full house. I have to mention that my friend Cara drove 12 hours with her four kiddos (AMAZING!!!). Everyone needs friends that let you come as you are, and my friends Cara and Jaime (the mommies of the adorable children above) allow me that priceless luxury.

This past weekend, the boys and I traveled for a long-weekend visit with Micah. We stayed in Peachtree City, GA and took advantage of the miles and miles of golf-cart paths within the community. Back at the hotel, Elijah found time to put on a show on the outdoor concert area (dancing like "Justin Beaver- that boy that has talent... even when he was a little boy!!!"). This picture is blurry, but that is because of Elijah's lightening moves: And Andrew, hung out in the audience cheering him on: We did get another visit to the Chick-fil-a Home Office. This is along the path that leads to the main building. It is such a beautiful area:Andrew wants a car like this one in Mr. Truett Cathy's collection when he grows up:Micah graduates next week and takes ownership of Chick-fil-a at Jefferson Mall on May 1. We are so thankful for the end of this part of our journey... it has truly been a long one!

The Beauty of Grief

If God had disclosed our entire job description when He first called Micah and me to adopt embryos, highlighting the sacrifices required to show love, dignity, and respect to our six little ones in order to bring them directly to Him in the end, I know deep in my heart I may not have been so quick to obey. In fact, I think I may have tried to run away... far, far away in the opposite direction. That has never worked out for anyone I know throughout history so I must assume that it would have not worked out so well for me. Honestly, for the first time in days, I can say in retrospect that I would without a doubt do it all over again. Even though God has added to our family in a way we never expected, He has honored our request for more children. It gives the phrase "treasures in heaven" a far deeper meaning to all of us.

However, the past couple of weeks have been tremendously painful as we have plunged the depths of their loss. During times when my spirit is flooded with a thousand feelings all at once, it is good for me to be very, very quiet. Over the past week and a half, I have had quite a bit of quiet time. There are days when the groanings too deep for words reflecting Romans 8 are a constant companion. When I do speak, my heart echoes David in the Psalms as he questioned God and tried to make sense of his circumstances. There is no need to pretend the questions don't exist. They do~ and He knows them already. I might as well say them out loud to the only One big enough to have any answers. There is beauty in process of grieving, though. It shows honor to the six little persons that have come into our lives and changed us forever. Also for me, there is an exquisite rawness in suffering that draws out the best and worst in me all at the same time. There is no facade; no harness for my emotions. It is impossible to put on the "Christian Face". However, as good theology preceded David in his honest dialogue with the Father, so it must for me and therein lies the source of the beauty. Through it all, God remains faithful and trustworthy. He patiently waits on me while I blame Him until I again believe Him. Even when I have no sense of the ground beneath my feet, He is the Solid Rock. When sadness and questions feel consuming, I have not been consumed. Beyond that, He willingly enters into my suffering. My God and Savior knows my anguish better than anyone. It is only because of His suffering on my behalf that I grieve perfectly in Christ. There is no need to fix my heartache. I come as I am and Jesus does all the fixing and I am not left undone. That is true beauty.

Where are we going from here? Micah and I aren't sure. Since God does know where this story is going next, I feel content right now just sticking close to Him.

One bit of very good news is that our friends Josh and Danae are expecting. Please join us in praying for them and their little one(s) now growing. It will be a sweet gift to get to see the face of a child that will resemble two of ours. We are thankful for that glimpse through the door of heaven and thrilled for them!

Our Little Ones

It is with deep deep sadness that I write these words. Our little ones are with Jesus. Micah and I are broken-hearted. The boys are sad. It is impossible and overwhelming for me to understand why the Lord would take these, now 6, little ones to be with Him and not allow us to meet them this side of eternity. After thinking about the news for a bit, Elijah reminded me of something I had told him weeks ago, "Both choices were good for them, right Mommy? To be with us or Jesus?" He's right and we are glad for them, but we still hurt. They are lacking nothing but we are left needing everything right now. We covet your prayers while we grieve.

Where We Are Today

I have to start by putting in one more plug for our adoption fund raiser through Shirts of Hope. We have had several friends buy a shirt and in turn support our adoption as well as other adoptions through Show Hope. We are truly humbled by the gifts. The deadline is March 31 for anyone else who may be interested. Click here for the link to the info page.

This past week has been really busy in the Childs house. First of all, our "house" changed. Having been in corporate housing for the past year and a half, it was time to again find a place of our own. It was especially fun to see our PODS container and unload all our stuff that has been stored away. The boys thought it was like Christmastime as they pulled out toys from boxes and bins. They were especially glad to see their train table... AND all the toys that make noise:) I had conveniently stored most of the "fun" ones. I think Elijah has pushed every button on every battery requiring toy at least 100 times in the last three days! Having not needed much of the things I had stored, it has been great inspiration to clean out as I unpacked.

Emotionally, it has been good to have a distraction as the day approaches when we learn the state of our little ones. I wish I could report that I have been cool as a cucumber waiting on the news, but honestly, I have been a mess. I want to be vulnerable here... It is such a struggle to rest and not be anxious. Couple that with loads of hormones and... well, you can venture a guess at the results:) I was having a difficult day last week; just thinking about how much we want the best for these babies but at the same time, praying they would live and come to be with our family. I have often wondered what it would be like to give birth to our twins, one Hispanic baby and one Indian/Pacific Islander baby, and witness the delivery room staff's reactions:) I have so desired to see those little faces- faces that do not resemble anyone in our family. My thoughts always drift back to the fact that God loves them and they are safe in His hands. Our responsibility is to be obedient in showing them His love. And I would do anything to show them His love, including learn to give myself the "big shots" on both sides- which I somehow managed to accomplish this week. What I don't take in consideration always is that God loves us too~ He loves me too. Trusting Him with my heart seems next to impossible sometimes. I know how this can go and how it can feel. It makes me so grateful for Jesus who has indeed captured my heart, carries me in His arms, and grants me portions of grace each day. In fact, in Him on the battlefield in my mind, I am more than a conqueror. In terms of my acceptance before Him as a daughter, my adoption is complete. I have been given perfect, sustaining love and peace. Feeling that always is so difficult in this situation. Feeling it or not, by this time tomorrow, I will know where our little ones are, God will still be good, and His grace will continue to be sufficient for me- and for all of us.

So please pray. We have been so fortunate to have had so many others around us walking beside. The nearness of God is our good, friends. And the nearness of each other is a gift. We will relay the news as soon as we are able~

Second Transfer Complete

This morning, we were once again a part of a sacred experience. Of the three embryos thawed, only one survived. The other two- one from the original donating family and one from the family Josh and Danae had donated to us) are now whole, adopted as God's children, and staring into the face of their Creator. The other, from our first group survived and we were told looked better than the previous two we had transferred. As I said in our previous post, neither embryo was in "great shape", so I attribute its condition today to our Almighty Healer! Because of some arrangements made by our friends Josh and Danae, a fourth embryo was thawed from their group and it did survive. They are hopefully finding their accommodations perfectly adequate for growing right now:) I am officially on bed rest for the next three days. I look forward to sitting, praying, and experiencing the results of all the prayers prayed on all our behalf during this quiet time. I need to post some pictures of the boys, too, during my sitting time if I can get them to be still enough for a picture... They are here being cared for by Micah's parents and having a great time!

This is my hope and prayer specifically today, again from The Valley of Vision: God Controller and Creator that speaks to the babies and to me:

MOST HIGH GOD,
The universe with all its myriad creatures
is Thine,
made by Thy word,
upheld by Thy power,
governed by Thy will.

But Thou art also the Father of mercies,
the God of all grace,
the bestower of all comfort,
the protector of the saved.

In One Week: To TX and Back and Babies!

Micah and I spent a lovely first part of the week in San Antonio, TX. What a great place to visit. The Riverwalk was beautiful and such a retreat from the big city all around. It was our first longer trip by ourselves in a long time~ We went to be a part of our first event as an extension of the Chick-fil-a family of Operators that spreads across the USA. It felt surreal- to have such an incredible introduction to our new life and to experience the answer to our prayers for the past few years. I am so proud of Micah and so grateful to God for growing him into this position. It was more evident to me, while surrounded by his peers, the transformation in him. I am looking forward to see how God uses the changes, continues to grow Micah, and guides him over the next many years. He and I have been in the supplication stage in regards to career for so long, it was a practice to sit still and thank God for answering our prayers in this way. My heart is so fickle. It is so easy to pray and seek, but it takes more effort in many ways for me to accept the blessings and spend time in praise and thankfulness. I am indeed thankful and blessed far beyond what I deserve.

These are some of my favorite scenes from the trip:

The Alamo

In the top of the Tower of the Americas

On the adoption front, the time has come again for our second embryo transfer. It has come so quickly~ The past few days have been Marriage Enrichment time again with big shots in the "hips"! Tomorrow morning, we will "meet" our 3 little ones. The shots and all the other meds have been totally worth it to prepare for them and give them the best chance to live that we know. We ask that you all be in prayer for us (Andrew and Elijah included) and the babies. You can specifically pray that they all survive being thawed, find a happy home, implant, and grow! Specifically for the two that aren't in "great" shape, I have been looking to the examples of those parents in the New Testament that brought their children to Jesus. I ask you to do the same. Our babies, regardless of their form, are not out of the reach of the Healer. The more I pray, the closer I feel to them. Love is always risky and this kind of love is scary. I have had to be honest with my Father about that knowing He calls me to not have a spirit of fear. On days it has been hard to pray, God has always sent another mother my way to pray for them on my behalf. Just last week, God helped me to swallow my pride, confess my weakness, and ask for help from a dear friend of mine. She continues to remind me that she is praying. Other of our families and friends have been so kind to pray and communicate that to us as well. Micah and I were sharing our story during lunch this past week with a couple we had just met. At the end of lunch, the gal came over, knelt beside me, and prayed such a strong prayer for them. She is a mother of seven. Little did she know, I had really struggled that day feeling up to all of this. As I felt her hands holding mine, I knew God had sent her, in a room suited for thousands of people, to our table just for me. It is such a blessing for us not to carry this alone. It is a difficult road, but I am looking to the cross and into the face of Jesus for perfect help and strength. Please pray that we continue to walk this road in obedience, with peace and hopefulness, and hearts that trust the Lord in the way and the outcome.

BIG News

In October 2009, we started traveling all over the US for Micah to serve Chick-fil-a as an Interim Manager. After six assignments, we had no idea where we would end up. There have been twists. There have been turns. There have been big potholes and lovely overlooks (the analogies could go on and on!). All along the way, we have prayed for wisdom knowing that God is bigger than us, than Chick-fil-a, and working for our good.

This past Monday, Micah got a call for a final interview in Atlanta. He and I headed down to the CFA Home Office and after a morning full of meetings and interviews, we got great news~ Micah is now the Owner/Operator Select of Chick-fil-a Jefferson Mall, Louisville, KY! There are really no words to describe the relief and excitement we both felt. Hearing the news is a moment I am so glad we got to share with each other. I have never been more proud of my husband; not just because of his accomplishment but because he persevered in a way that honored God and showed love for his family. It is a true testimony to God's work in his life.

Two Plus One

This past week, we learned that our last two embryos from the group of four we originally adopted aren't in the best shape. There are systems by which Embryologists grade embryos. The systems are subjective and vary from clinic to clinic but serve the purpose of deciding which embryos are "competent". Sometimes, incompetent embryos are discarded. Since we firmly believe that all embryos, regardless of their grade, should be given a chance at life, we are glad to know our clinic has reserved that dignity for them. It does cause us to pray for them even more and seek the Lord for His supernatural help for them. There is more to this story, however.

It all started at my last doctor visit. Micah and I spoke with the nurse about adopting a third embryo to transfer. This was even before the news of the condition of our other two. It would be a lone embryo we assumed as there were several families with only one left and donated. We went back and forth for a while, listing the pros and cons. It is so strange, this whole process, weighing statistics, facts, and assumptions verses walking with the God who holds all things together by the word of His power. The God who we call Father who moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform. The God who makes the blind see, the lame walk, the deaf hear, and the dead live again. We left the appointment with the intention to pray about it and let them know our decision sometime before the transfer. Since then, we have prayed a lot and sought wisdom from other friends and family. Really, the question I kept asking myself was, "Can I pray for all of these babies- each one- that they all will live and mean it?" The question is legitimate. It would not be easy for us to care for triplets or more importantly, good for them sharing a limited growing space. The chance of them all surviving is very slim from a historical/statistical standpoint. Again, human understanding ~ All-Powerful Lord. We did decide it would be a wise use of the transfer cycle for us to go ahead with three, praying for each of them to live. I decided to let the office know our intentions the day of our final appointment before the transfer.

Enter our friends Josh and Danae. Josh and Danae are the sister and brother-in-law of my friend, Cara. Shortly after we began our embryo adoption, they were led to pursue the same thing. Danae and I are both scheduled for our embryo transfers within a couple of days of each other; this being our second cycle and their first. They had adopted a group of seven embryos. They had chosen them because they were deemed the "least adoptable" of all the embryos donated at our clinic. Danae sent me a text message last week asking if I'd talked with our clinic about adding another embryo. At this point, I had not. Danae said she got a call from the Nurse Practioner asking to use one of their embryos for a transfer scheduled for another adopting couple who fit our profile. Danae was glad to have another family willing to help give all of hers a chance at life, since seven is a large number to take on given a more conservative approach. It was a concern to she and Josh that there would come a point in time where they might have to decide to relinquish one or more to be adopted. In talking to Danae, it was already like talking to a mom, trying to decide the best for her children even with all the unknowns in front of her. Danae even offered, if the other couple wasn't us, to allow us to transfer another of theirs. She and Josh certainly have those little ones in mind- wanting each one to be cared for. Even after our conversation, I was not convinced the couple the NP was speaking of was us. When Danae called in tears, I was proved completely wrong! The clinic had gotten the news of the condition of our embryos and was working on our behalf to add a third. Unknown to our mutual NP, the solution she provided made Josh and Danae AND Micah and me the parents of these siblings. She had no idea we knew each other. Antie Cara couldn't be happier:) Isn't God amazing!

If you headed to our site to buy a Shirt of Hope, click here. We are still taking orders through March 31. If you are praying for our babies, please add one more to your list!

Shirts of Hope

As I mentioned in our previous blog, we have an invitation for you to become part our adoption journey in a tangible way through buying a Shirt of Hope! A portion of the proceeds will help us offset the cost of our embryo adoption and the other part will go to Show Hope~ So it's adoption support all around! If you are interested in any of the shirts pictured below, please comment on this blog with your order information including the style number, quantity, size(s), email address, shipping address, and phone number. *No comment containing ordering information will be published* You may pay by check or by using the "Donate" through Paypal button at the top right. We are asking that all orders be placed by March 31. I will ship or deliver shirts as soon as possible after that date, just in time for spring weather!

#1 ~ "Tree Tee" Black ~ Unisex sizes S, M, L, XL, 2X ~ $25

#2 ~ "Tree Tee" White, Long Sleeve ~ Women's sizes S, M, L, XL, 2X ~ $30

#3 ~ "I Heart SH" Violet ~ Women's sizes S, M, L, XL and Child sizes 6mo., 12mo., 18mo., 2T, 3T, 4T ~ $30

#4 ~ "I Dig" Army Green ~ Women's sizes S, M, L, XL, 2X and Youth sizes YXS, YS, YM, YL, YXL ~ $30

#5 ~ "I Show Hope" Red ~ Unisex size S, M, L, XL, 2X, 3X ~ $30

#6 ~ "I Show Hope" Chocolate ~ Unisex sizes S, M, L, XL, 2X, 3X ~ $30

#7 ~ "I Show Hope" Heather Blue ~ Unisex sizes S, M, L, XL, 2X, 3X ~ $30

#8 ~ "I Show Hope" Smoke ~ Unisex sizes S, M, L, XL, 2X, 3X ~ $30

Note: persons not for sale:) However, Tiffany is proudly wearing shirt style #2, Micah #8, Elijah #4, and Andrew #5.

Education and An Invitation

The new way we are affectionately referring to our adoption process is the "Free the Frozen Babies Program". When we trace our reasons for adopting embryos over the course of years, there is a definite change of perspective and broadening of desires. Even as Tiffany began the physical process months ago, we are not sure we were truly present and on board with the FFBP. As we have said before, we both always wanted to add to our family through adoption. That was the main goal and it still is. It just looks differently than we first imagined. We cannot help but believe that God, as He works in us, is asking us to share what we have learned. Some of this may be repetitive, but we feel it is worth restating. We also have an invitation for you to help in a more tangible way~ So here goes.

Over the past few weeks, we have contemplated the way we view human life in this country and in the world at large and see now more than ever that this issue is much larger than us simply adopting. We have been called to give these frozen ones- the least of these- a voice in the world. Their presence is easy to ignore. Many people we talk with still have never heard the phrase "embryo adoption" let alone thought about who they are and what their needs are. When babies can be stored in a freezer (or chryo-preservation unit) for years and years, they are easily forgotten. They are the "leftovers" of reproductive technology and have a totally uphill battle. They cannot speak, cry, or call out to us. Their needs don't make them a presence in the world that demands attention. We, on the other hand, have perfectly good voices and we desire to use them to the glory of God and for the good of these little ones.

In our country, embryos aren't legally recognized as life. If they were to be found on Mars in the form they exist now, the headlines would read, "Life Found On Another Planet!" yet there is still debate. Due to the fact that our leaders struggle with how to categorize them and still allow for abortion, as of now they are considered property. Most couples who have turned to In-Vitro Fertilization for aid in having children, however, feel differently many times and struggle with what they may call "potential life"; even ones who would support embryonic stem-cell research or abortion. We found an extremely informative article from Mother Jones, a non-profit news organization, called "Soul's on Ice" about this very topic from 2006. From what we know today, not much has changed in the last 5 years. Although the article made us sad, we were anxious to pass it along in hopes that it would provide more education about "the problem" and prompt more talk about our response. This particular article is very lengthy, so for a more concise version of the same ideas, we found "Parents Torn Over Fate of Frozen Embryos" from the NY Times, 2008 (funny how the content was much the same). Google "How many frozen embryos in the US" and you will get a plethora of other reading material. Even the most current statistics remain the same. The debate is complicated- to them.

Of course, our view of these persons is not property, but bearers of the image of God (Gen. 1:27) and known by Him even before He created them (Psalm 139:16, Jer. 1:5). We found this resource from the Together for Adoption blog that further details a biblical response to embryo adoption. Though we hear these words from the very heart of God, we have seen and have experienced obstacles even in the Christian community, and we feel it necessary to talk about these things openly. Some believers we have talked with wonder why we shouldn't first care for those orphans already living and breathing. Our question is, do we believe what we say we believe about life or not? We are called to love and care for orphans- all of them- and each in a way so they all have advocates. We feel in this season of our lives, we are to answer the call to love these particular orphans. We pray God gives us many ways to share in the privilege of loving those without families in the future. Another obstacle is the view that embryo adoption is an infertility treatment. While it may be for some, it is not for all. Even couples we know who have adopted embryos after being unable to bear biological children recognize that it is bigger than that. They are giving these frozen ones a chance at life. The need for embryo adoption did arise from IVF which is a "fertility treatment" but not all clinics (ours included) or adoption agencies require infertility to adopt embryos. The last hurdle we have encountered is the lack of financial help for those adopting embryos. It seems for many non-profit (Christian organizations included) to give directly toward couples for adoption , they have to exclude those adopting embryos because of the issues surrounding their legal status of "non-life". We aren't sure the other road blocks for offering assistance, we just know there are a lot of closed doors. We believe and trust that God has called us to walk this road and will provide what we need to persevere. But we are saddened that the resources aren't readily available for embryo adoptions.

It is with deep sincerity and a profound realization of reality that we ask you to join with us in giving these babies the voice they do not have and honor their lives. This is unlike other adoptions and we know that. We all may never meet these little ones until we reach eternity. One way you can tangibly contribute is considering buying a Shirt of Hope! We are so thankful there is a program through Shaohannah's Hope that offers fundraising through selling their super cute (or super manly for the guys:)) T-shirts. We so appreciate that they will give us part of the proceeds and the remainder will go to their fund that aids other adoptions around the world. Our next blog post will have all the necessary ordering information, so stay tuned! If you are unable to help us in this way, please continue to pray for us, our frozen little ones, and the 500,000+ others just like them.

Here we are sporting our Show Hope Shirts~

We want to thank our sister-in-law, Stacie for taking these fabulous pictures of our family on Micah's parents' farm in NC. She is the most fun, relaxed photographer we have ever worked with!

We are scheduled to transfer our other two little embryos at the end of February. Our hearts are with them even now and we pray God prepares them to come live with us. One bit of artwork we have added to our home is this remembrance piece symbolizing our three babies- our two adopted embryos and one from an earlier miscarriage- that are now with Him. It was therapeutic for Tiffany in the midst of grieving to paint each individual snowflake and add the tiny feet.
Thank you for praying for us, taking a moment to wrap your mind around this issue, and continuing the voice of hope for snowflake babies. May God bless you as you honor their lives!

It's A Birthday!

A ~ always has a plan

N ~ never short on chivalry or bravery (especially if he can utilize his lightsaber)

D ~ determined to be awake as many hours a day as he possibly can

R ~ reliable big brother

E ~ excellent Lego-builder, game-player, 1st-grade mathematician, reader, & singer

W ~ wonderful gift from God

Happy 7th Birthday, Andrew!

Christmas 2010

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more,

neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore,

for the former things have passed away.

Revelation 21:4

This is the thought that allows a respite from the pain of these last few days. First, this is where our babies live. They have never known the pain our family has experienced and they never will. They were created only to know a life beyond the confines our of sinful, human history and know God in His perfection throughout eternity. It is a beautiful thought. It is also the hope that moves us- especially me- through grieving and not be driven to despair. Our grieving is only temporary. Broken hearts, even ones this side of eternity, are the specialty of our Savior. He came to heal them. Until our complete healing, He weeps with us, just as He did with Mary and Martha.

I read a long time ago- and it stuck- to press into pain. It is a part of our created life experience to mourn. All the physical and emotional responses are built into us. It is defensiveness that causes us to run from feeling pain... to distract ourselves... to cover over it with something else. But pain is a good thing. It is in pain that many times I have an intimate knowledge of my need for redemption. Don't get me wrong, I have spent sufficient time trying make sure that God knows that I thought I was signing up for that other line... you know... the one where people adopt and get to hold their children this side of eternity. I have even used the word "crap" a couple of times!!! But when Micah and I made this choice to be obedient to the calling of adopting these embryos, we became willing participants no matter what. Even if the path is pain. We would have preferred a different outcome. It is much more fun to hear "Congratulations!" instead of "so sorry". But God heals us and God moves us. I have said it before and I will say it again; He brought us to this road, He loves us, and He is good.

Micah reminded me of this passage in Lamentations that relates pain and hope. It is now hanging over my sink in the kitchen.

Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

I certainly do not know what beauty He may create from these ashes but indeed, His salvation is sure.

It feels a little crazy to go ahead and talk about doing all of this again, but we still have two embryos that need a chance at life. Again, a humbling, terrifying thought. Since I am called to obey and not fear, all I can do is plead, "Lord I believe, help my unbelief." We only have a couple of weeks until we start the whole process again. Prayers from friends and family have been priceless. I have no doubt that my weary soul has leaned on the prayers of others this past week. We all still need them, maybe now more than ever.

The boys have been dealing with things in their own way. It is inspiring to see their childlike faith. They have been entrusting these babies to the Lord in their prayers. They made plans for them. They valued their lives. They are disappointed, but they easily trust their siblings are in Good Hands. I have wondered how God is going to use this experience in their lives in the future. That remains to be seen. Micah and I are so blessed to share our lives with Andrew and Elijah. I learn so much from them.

Christmas was weighty. The day itself was relaxing. It is fun for our kiddos to get new toys for Micah and I to play with:) One of my favorite moments was when Elijah opened his new Razor scooter and yelled "I can't ride a scooter!" and began crying! Only a few minutes later, he was scooting all over our apartment. Andrew has been teaching me about his new "DS System". You would think that he was born with a knowledge of all things electronic! They learned a new Christmas song this year called Joy complements of Seeds Family Worship. They led Micah and me in worshiping as they sang throughout the day.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year- to all those walking with us.