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We are a family of fifteen: eight already with Jesus and seven in desperate need of Him. This is the story God is writing in our lives. Proverbs 16:9

Saturday, April 30, 2011

How We Proceed/A Prayer for More Frozen Ones

Clearly, accomplishment in life cannot be measured in terms of years alone. It often happens that those that die young have accomplished more than others who live to old age. Even infants, who sometimes have been with their parents only a few days, or even hours, may leave profound influences that change the entire course of the life of the family. And undoubtedly, from the Divine viewpoint, the specific purpose for which they were sent into the world was accomplished. It is our right neither to take life prematurely, nor to insist on its extension beyond the mark that God has set for it.
Loraine Boettner

Back in October, Micah and I talked through this season of our lives adopting embryos. We talked about the possible outcomes and variables. We even listed our primary goal and expectations. We took our knowledge, research, and understanding and added much prayer and anticipation. From these, we formed a plan concluding that three embryo transfers seemed feasible and gave concrete reasons for that decision. The past two months we have added struggle, suffering, and much emotion to our conglomeration of information and in turn, questioned that decision. God has already grown our family and we, by His grace, have accomplished what we desired to do; show honor, dignity, and respect to the lives of frozen, bearers of the image of God. There are no more embryos with our "names on them" at our clinic. We have cared for all the little ones God has placed in our family arms thus far. The process has been a joyfully excruciating one. Our initial conversation aside, the end of this season seemed near.

But then I wondered, if the Lord allows me more years on this earth, would I one day have any regrets? There are certainly very good reasons to regroup and move on walking down a new path of adoption (which was in our original plan as well). I have been forced to ask myself, what then are our reasons for changing paths now? The one and only reason I have is simply because it has been so hard. Loving little ones and letting them go, as I have stated before, wasn't the path I would have chosen for myself. Working for/against me is the fact that all those God calls, He also equips. In His equipping of me for this task, He made me with more than a fair amount of stubbornness that doesn't permit my one reason much validity. Instead, Micah and I have both concluded that finishing well and not having any regrets later is the best choice. I have been so glad we both came to the same decision seperately, yet in unison. It seems that God has created us to do this work, and we desire to see it through to the end. Our family has uniquely learned to love embryos and sympathize with the plight of those dealing with infertility. Even though he wasn't describing embryos, Mr. Boettner's quote describes our little ones and their impact on our lives. This impact pushes us forward and makes us completely and totally up for one last embryo adoption. Long term, we aren't sure what our role will be in continuing to be a voice for the voiceless, but I am sure this flame will not burn out in us during our lifetime.

We recently sat down with the Nurse Practitioner to talk about a third transfer. The news she gave us was interesting, wonderful, and enlightening all at the same time. In the clinic where we have adopted all our little ones, there are as of now, no more "available" embryos for adoption. That entire manila folder-full has been cared for. What glorious news! It was also good to hear her re-affirm her desire that all embryos created within their office be given a chance at life. However, there are a number of families that have abandoned their embryos and not provided for their adoption. If you have been following my blog long, you may remember an article I posted describing the problem IVF patients face when they have "left-over" embryos. It can be an agonizing decision, especially if they go into IVF without considering all possible outcomes ahead of time. Some families make sure they give a chance at life to all their little ones. Others, like the parents of our children, do give up their rights and allow their remaining embryos to be adopted. There are some, who will donate them for research thus destroying them or simply choose for them to be discarded in some way. The NP has been urging these families to give up their rights and allow the staff to place them with other families. Our family has joined her in this urging, just in a different way. We are specifically praying for the families of our particular clinic to be burdened with their choice and either take responsibility for their own embryos and give them a chance at life, or allow another family to do so. We ask you to join us in our prayers. Micah and I will be calling the clinic in mid-June to see if there are embryos that have been released. We plan to give it just a few months. If God has more little ones for us, we are ready and joyfully willing to care for them to the best of our ability and to the glory of God our Father. If not, we feel at peace in this end as well.

Our clinic is no different than many others (if not all) across the US. Let me say aloud that we understand and sympathize with couples facing infertility and secondary infertility. We are just praying that we may honor our Creator God with our choices when it comes to human life.


Janet said...

Tiffany, I will be praying as well for these families. I just want you to know that I appreciate the willingness you and Micah have to be a voice for the voiceless.

Anna M said...

Thank you for sharing so much about this, Tiffany. You've certainly raised my awareness about these unique issues of fertility. Hugs to you, friend.