Second Week in the NICU

Words like "your babies are doing fantastic" and "they are progressing so well" soothe our souls and bring us to our knees in thanksgiving.  These are comments that Isaac, Eliana, and Isabella's doctors have made to us over the past few days.  They are definitely issues consistent with prematurity, but we are constantly overjoyed at the way God has blessed each of them and in turn, blessed us. 

Much to our surprise, we got a call Saturday morning that our babies were being moved from the NICU to the Continuing Care Nursery. There were several admissions and our babies were the first candidates to be moved since they were in the best health of all their neighbors (insert gasp here:)). The next day, the doctor reported that they were indeed having their PICC lines (IV's) removed.  Since then, every one's jaundice has been resolved and growing and feeding have been the goals of each day.  This means the number of things they are attached to has gone down even more. Isabella and Isaac have been working on maintaining their body temperatures and last night, Isaac weighing in at 3 lbs., 15.2 oz. was moved from his isolette to an open bed!  It is hard to imagine that only a week ago, he was on a ventilator. 

Isaac in His Open Bed

I think he was trying to tell us he was tired of all the picture taking:)

He and Isabella, weighing 4lbs., spend their days in cute little preemie clothes.  Isabella is well on her way to an open bed as well.  She is such a cuddler, but likes to try and escape her Z-Flow bed and pull her NG tube out. 

Micah and his Bella Joy.

Sleeping Beauty

Eliana is gaining weight well.  She now is above her birth weight at 2 lbs., 8 oz. and remains developmentally on track despite her small, yet big for what she has endured, size.  She is still feisty, but always relaxes when we do kangaroo care time.

I think she was trying to tell us something!  I love the look on her face.

Tiny hands~ but formed perfectly.

Andrew and Elijah returned home on Saturday as well.  It was a big day for us!  The nurse helped us wrap the babies up and let the boys see them through the CCN window.  I am so glad they had a good trip to NC, but I am also so glad they are home.  I have been able to do all the things I love~ like sit at the breakfast table with them and make Rice Crispy Treats.  Having my parents here for the weekend and my mom staying throughout this week has been such a blessing for them and for me.  It was so sweet to introduce Papa and Mimi to their three new grandchildren.

 

The Big Brothers

Mimi and Eliana

Papa with Isaac

Micah and I have enjoyed getting to know each baby.  Their personalities are coming through more and more every day.  We wonder how Andrew and Elijah are going to interact with them when they come home.  Adjusting to having five children with different needs brings us to a familiar place~ relying on God to encourage us in the gospel and bringing us the perserverance we need to love on each child.  We never stop carrying each one to Jesus for his or her particular needs.  We are juggling~ and it is wonderfully exhausting. 

Micah and Me tag-teaming the babies.

Our prayer requests are that we would continue to have the endurance we need for each day.  The girls have had some bradycardia episodes and most of the time they self-correct.  We do pray they grow out of these soon and maintiain their heartrates consistantly.  Thankfully, they have no apnea at this point.  They all are having some reflux and we also pray that resolves.  Overall, they are healthy babies, which brings me to my last request.  All around us, we have seen much sicker babies and families struggling watching their tiny ones fight for life in the NICU.  I ask that you take time to pray for all of them.  We pray God brings them peace and comfort in the midst of such excrutiating difficulty.

Growing Babies!

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Psalm 30:11-12

Yesterday, Micah and I danced home from the hospital.  We had such a cared for experience there but were so glad to get home.  Even though it was difficult to leave, there was much to be thankful for~ and the babies couldn't be in better hands.   


Our Nurses Were So Kind:)

It was odd though, our house quiet... each of our five children somewhere else.   It has been a long time since I felt freedom to move and make plans and enjoy the outside!  It feels like the whole world has changed~  Or at least from my perspective for sure. It has taken a bit to let it sink in~ where we have been and what the Lord has done.

God continues to breathe vigorous life into our babies.  Isaac was taken off the ventilator yesterday with no problem.  His nurse also removed an arterial line he had in his belly which made it possible for me to hold him for the first time.  That was also the first time I got to really see his face without tubes occluding his little smile!  He is a cutie with blond hair!

My First Time Holding Isaac

Sweet Boy, Isaac

He squeaks some (reminding me of Andrew as a baby:)) and loves to cuddle.  The doctor is also planning to take him off forced oxygen (room air) through his nasal cannula in the next day.  Isabella and Eliana are also thriving.  They are all three tolerating feedings into their bellies well.  The doctors are increasing the amount they receive every day.  Eliana has already grown up to and past her birth weight and now is at 2 lbs. 5 oz. and Isaac and Isabella are both at 3 lbs. 9 oz..  Since they are getting more than half of what they need from feedings, they each may get to have their PICC lines removed in the next two days.  They have also had brain scans and echo cardiograms and nothing significant has been found thus far.  The babies are progressing so well~ Micah and I did not anticipate such great reports!  It is making me realize that I need to get ready to bring them home even more quickly than we thought!


Daddy and His Eliana Girl



A Cuddly Bella Joy and Mommy Late Last Night


We have had such a wondreful time talking about embryo adoption with the hospital staff.  We think about where these babies were only months ago, frozen in the same building where they now grin and move, bodies warm and fresh and are amazed. 

I spoke with Andrew and Elijah this morning.  They are excited about coming home and the possiblity of the babies coming home in the next few weeks.  Elijah asked if I was able to be up and around which he refers to as "crazy mommy" again!  By God's grace, yes I sure can. 



The Birth Story and Beyond

God has proven to us during the last many months that His timing is perfect over and over again.   

I was getting pretty discouraged at the beginning of this past week~ just not sure how much longer ~for the babies sake and mine.  I was trying to read providence forward, which is impossible.  What, when, how, why was constantly on my mind.  Once again, Micah and I prayed for obvious clarity of direction.  My doctor came to see me early last week and had contacted The Fetal Care Center in Cincinnati as well as the Neonatology department here at this hospital.  It was clear to him that we go ahead and set a date for delivery for February 13 and we were comfortable with that timing.  Apparently babies diagnosed with TTTS are at much higher risk for things going wrong in-utero verses being born premature at 32 weeks gestation...  So there was the light at the end of the tunnel and I geared up for 9 more days of bed rest.

Friday the 3rd was a typical hospital kind of day.  Medications, monitoring, eating, and napping were on the agenda.  I spent some time with a church friend who helped me knit little hats for the babies.  It has been a delight to have visitors.  Micah went to work and the boys were with his parents who had driven up from North Carolina.  I have had wonderful nurses although a couple have seemed intimidated by finding three heartbeats that can be monitored uninterrupted.  My nurse on Friday wasn't intimidated at all.  She worked patiently through one monitoring session making sure she had good heart accelerations on all the babies,  So far, so good.  Then the second time she began monitoring was much different.  She found Isaac's heart rate with no problem as well as Isabella's.  Then, we began looking for Eliana's.  The way she was positioned made her difficult to track down especially with two larger babies with larger hearts on either side of her smaller body.  After a few minutes, my nurse did find her but had to sit and hold the monitor at an angle so she could get an accurate, consistent reading.  Eliana was more still than usual but her heart rate was normal~ at first.  Then, we heard a very audible deceleration.  It was not a good sound, like time slowing down, but we knew time was not the issue.  The nurse and I looked at each other then she very calmly started calling for help.  The recording device had not picked up the deceleration but she and I knew exactly what we had heard.  I called Micah and asked him to leave work.  Within minutes, I had an ultrasound and all appeared to be fine.  In the meantime, our doctor was called in and came to sit with us and watch her more.  As we were discussing what was best, Eliana's heart rate, now visible on the monitor, dipped again.  It was clear~ it was time.  Within an hour, I was being prepped for surgery.  During the prepping hour, I had also gone into labor.  I asked the triage nurse wincing in pain, "Do you see all these contractions I am having!?!"  She replied, "Well, I think you need a C-Section, dear."

I will never forget the sight of the OR.  There were three little assessment beds for each of the babies with their names already on them on one whole side of the room.  Within minutes, each baby had at least one if not two nurses in ready position to recieve them.  There was also a Neonatologist and a Nurse Practioner to oversee the babies immediate care.  They were so eager to get their hands on our babies!  The smiles in their eyes above their masks made me feel so much at ease.  There were seven taking care of me~ nurses, my Perinatologist, an assisting OB/GYN from his same practice, an Anesthesiologist and a scrub nurse.  There were so many people in that room!  I knew there would be a crowd, but seeing everyone filling up almost every space was overwhelming!  Micah came in to join us and within minutes Isaac was out.  Somehow, he had managed to get a  knot in his umbilical cord which could have presented a huge problem for him.  Micah got a picture and was then inspired to take more over the curtain pictures (which will not be posted on this blog~ rest assured:)).  Isaac was whisked away to his station.  One minute later, Eliana was out.  She had the tiniest cry but she was surely spirited.  Another minute later, Isabella was out.  She was the first baby I saw as her bed was parellel to mine.  Micah was running around trying to get pictures before the train of babies left the OR.  I got to give Isabella a kiss then she and the others (1st - Eliana, 2nd - Isabella, 3rd - Isaac) made thier way up to NICU.  Later I was told that Andrew and Elijah did get to see their brother and sisters as they were wheeled down the hallway.  I was so glad they got a glimpse of them.  Back in the OR, my doctor leaned over the curtain and reaffirmed our decision to take them out.  He finished the procedure and sent me to recovery.





It wasn't until 4:30 a.m. that I got to see the babies.  By that time, they were settled in to their own special spots in the NICU.  Later that morning, the big boys left for North Carolina and will be cared for there by family.  It was hard to see them leave but reassuring knowing that they will be loved on while Micah and I learn how to navigate the NICU.  Already I feel stretched between five children.  I knew it was coming, but experience is usually different than I expected and will be a true educator. 

Eliana~ the tiniest~ is doing very well.  She has no assisted breathing devices at all and likes to try and rip out the other tubes in various places on her body:)  Isabella has a little bit of help with breathing.  She moves around the most, demonstrating how she was able to stretch her legs and arms out when she was back in my belly.  Isaac has needed the most help.  His doctor has him on a ventilator but doesn't expect him to stay on it very long.  All the babies will be getting a PICC line to help reduce the need for other sticks.  They are all getting small feeds already and seem to be tolerating those well.

Isaac in his Isolette

  

Isabella, showing us how she liked to try to lay in-utero

The first time I got to hold Eliana

On top of all the medical stuff, they are just so cute and sweet.  I got to hold the girls yesterday for the first time and do what is called Kangaroo Care.  When I held Eliana and would speak, she would open her eyes and look toward the sound of my voice.  Isabella even relaxed more against my skin and curled up on my chest, most content.  I am hoping to get to hold Isaac soon.  Please pray that his breathing improves.  Even though he is having difficulty with his breathing, the docs are saying he is acting appropriately for a preemie boy and anticipates resolution in the near future.  The Neonatologist estimates they will come home in 4-6 weeks.    

I think that should get everyone up to speed;)  Micah and I have treasured all the emails, calls, facebook messages, and texts so many have sent.  One day, we will tell our babies about your outpouring of love and prayers on their behalf.

Meet the Babies!!!

THEY'RE HERE!!!  Our Lord has been good to us!

Isaac Curtis
Time: 8:45 pm
Wieght: 3lbs 11oz
Length:  15.5 in.

Eliana Sue
Time: 8:46 pm
Weight: 2lbs 4oz
Length: 13.5 in.

Isabella Joy
Time: 8:47 pm
Weight: 3lbs 11oz
Length: 15.5 in.

Thanks so much for praying.  More updates to come.  Enjoy a few pictures!

Please pray!

Please pray!  The babies will be delivered tonight!

We'll keep you updated. 

Update from the Hospital #2

I am thankful to report that after an eventful weekend we are still here and the steroid shots have now had enough time to help the babies' lungs develop.  They, by the way, look fantastic.  The nurses monitor them three times a day, which is quite the accomplishment~ finding three different babies with three distinct heartbeats that many times a day:)  They were also measured on Monday.  Isaac measured 3 lbs. 2 oz., Eliana 2 lbs. 2 oz., and Isabella 2 lbs. 15 oz.  We are so thankful to be at this point.  And we are so blessed by our Lord to be in such a good place in light of all we've been through.  Micah and I even met with a Neonatologist yesterday who talked with us about what our babies' needs may be when they are born.  Overall the conversation was very encouraging.  We give all the glory to God~  He has made Himself known in such outwardly recognizable ways. 

God continues to be so kind.  Even in the little things~  Monday we were trying to decided the best place for me to be until the end of this pregnancy.  There were a few things up in the air, and I asked that He would make it plain.  A couple of hours later, we learned that true labor had begun and the decision was clear.  I will be here until the babies are born.  Our doctor is still giving me one medication to hold off labor to a point, but if things change more or if the babies show any signs of any distress, we will be ready to receive them. 

We will keep this updated.  Thank you all for all the love shown to us.

Update from the Hospital

Tiffany was admitted into the hospital on Friday night. The babies have not been born but are being monitored closely. She has also received 2 steroids shots that will help the babies' lungs mature at a faster pace.  The goal is to get them as many days as possible in utero before we must take them out. She is 30 weeks 3 days but her body measures about 41 weeks. For obvious reason she is in a lot of pain. However, the babies are looking very healthy. We are very thankful to our Lord for his mercy and for all the prayers offered up on our behalf.

Please pray that Tiffany will be as comfortable as possible and that the docs would have wisdom about the right time to take them out. 

Blessings,

Micah

Admitted for Now

Last night, I began having some contractions and enough discomfort to contact the doctor on call at our practice. Thankfully, my doctor was the one who very quickly called me back! Within about 15 seconds, he decided to have me come on in. And I was so glad he did. I learned quickly that I was contracting every 1.5-2 minutes. Thankfully, he got them under control with two doses of medication. Long story short, I am here to stay~ at least until Monday. He has decided to go ahead with steroids and help the babies lungs develop more quickly and keep a close watch on us all. We would again appreciate your prayers. Again, we all~ the boys included~ feel very carried and cared for through each and every day. I read this familiar verse on a friend's blog early this morning and it reminded me of God's perfect knowledge and plans for us: In Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.~ Psalm 139. May this day reflect His plan so clearly that this truth is obvious to us all.

Everyone looked great yesterday.  Our doctor was hesitant to go ahead with the steroid shots because he thought they may cause me to go into labor. We are going to wait as long as possible before attempting those.

The babies are looking more and more piled on top of each other as they all maneuver for space!  We have watched them "practice breathe" which is just fascinating.  Eliana particularly had a good amount of amniotic fluid and an even better doppler reading than last week.  We go again next week to have them measured again.

Friday will be 30 weeks!  We feel so humbled to have reached this point. 

All your works shall give thanks to you, O LORD, and all your saints shall bless you! They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom and tell of your power, to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds, and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

Psalm 145:10-12

Watching and Waiting

At Wednesday's ultrasound, Isaac measured 2 lbs. 13 oz., Isabella 2 lbs. 12 oz., and Eliana 1 lb. 11 oz. Even though there is quite a size discordance between our two girls, we were so glad to see that Eliana has grown some and that Isabella and Isaac are growing so well. She did have another abnormal umbilical doppler reading (pointing to insufficient blood flow) but it wasn't higher than other readings. We are so thankful our doc will be back from vacation on Tuesday. We are meeting with him then.  There is a possibility of going ahead with steroid shots to give their lungs an opportunity to develop anticipating an early delivery.

We have had moments of speculation about what is going to happen in the coming weeks as we get closer to reaching communicated milestones for the babies regarding the TTTS.  I used to say, "If God would only reveal His future plans to me, then I would feel better prepared".  I am not so arrogant to think myself so capable of such preparation anymore:)  Walking by faith has never been so practical.  I know I would not have made it this far, in constant suspense taking one day at a time, if God would have told me just how difficult it all was going to be back then.  Once again, "Immortal, Invisible, God Only Wise" proves Himself to be the Only One capable of walking by sovereign sight. 

29 weeks

I am treasuring each movement, each hiccup, and each spirited kick. I never thought my body could stretch to this size! Let me just say, it is not comfortable, but holding three babies at one time is a blessing. I had another mother of triplets remind me that it will be near impossible to hold them all simultaneously when they are born. It is hard to believe that 11 weeks of bed rest have passed.  Andrew and Elijah officially cannot remember when mommy wasn't sporting a huge belly~ or when mommy actually cooked and did things around the house!

God remains faithfully merciful to us all~

Moving Toward 29

Friday, Eliana's doppler reading was better than Wednesday's so she is holding steady in that regard AND I was thrilled to learn yesterday that I do not have gestational diabetes.  Praise God!

During a break in the three hour diabetes test, Micah pushed me in a wheelchair (actually, raced with me through the empty parts of the hospital hallways) up to the Neonatal ICU where the babies will more than likely be for a while.  I am one to do better when I see things ahead of time so this was exceptionally helpful.  It takes the ~wondering~ out of it a bit and definitely makes me feel more prepared.  We met several nurses and one gave us a tour.  She was so kind to us.  She introduced us to a few of the babies already patients there, some the size of our babies now, and answered several of our questions.  It was a peaceful place and the ladies we met seemed to really love their jobs.

Micah and I already go back tomorrow to have the babies measured.  This is a huge matter of prayer~ that our doctor (still persistent in following us from his vacation) will have wisdom about Eliana's growth and what is best for her as he continues to assess Isabella and Isaac.  As all of this is overwhelming, pray for us~ that our eyes will be fixed on Jesus as He continues to carry us along. 

I have to mention how very blessed and helped we have been by our church family and friends during the last several weeks.  There is such beauty in community and our family has felt and experienced this first hand.  It truly demonstrates to us the very heart of our Savior, Servant, Jesus Christ.

I must apologize if I have failed to communicate with everyone who has reached out to us.  My note writing/sending has been egregiously lacking and I hope you who continue to love us through words and actions will accept this as a huge, heart felt, Thank You.

Andrew Is 8!

We are so thankful for and proud of Andrew.  Today, on his 8th birthday, we celebrate the gift of his life! 

Today's Update

Just a quick update:  Today, Eliana's umbilical doppler result was abnormal.  She looked great though, moving all around.  She had changed positions... again:) and kicked the sonographer several times in the course of the scan.  We actually saw her profile better than we ever have today.  She seemed to have plenty of fluid around her face~ such a blessing ~and that made it easy to see her cute little features.  We go back Friday to check her again and assess what is best.  I am so thankful they are following our babies so closely.  They appeared to be having a big party for their big brother Andrew's birthday tomorrow. Andrew says sometimes my belly looks as if they are in a bouncy house!  Our doctor is on a planned vacation to Key West this week and next.  Micah and I were a little concerned when he shared this news last week (to say the least), but he had already temporarily given our case to another doctor and had a plan for following us on his iPhone.  He can view all our ultrasounds and even track information on hospital monitors from there.  Thank God for technology!

Another note:  I failed my gestational diabetes test today.  I am also being tested more extensively on Friday to see if this is another thing we are going to have to watch.

Thank you for the continued prayers.

Perspectives

Perspective is an interesting thing.  When I look out across the landscape of life and see situations out of context and circumstances unattached, I admit there are judgements I make that I am certain aren't completely accurate.  I try to judge based on truth, but most likely, I understand experiences in generalizations that primarily come from my own perspective.  I wish this weren't the case as much because I am sure I miss so much learning in living.   

For example, if you would have told me about a baby in a NICU born at less than 30 weeks weighing less than 2 pounds, I would have immediately thought, "Wow- that is really hard and sad".  I would have thought of the mother and father and their struggle as they watch their tiny baby and deal with the plethora of problems that come with prematurity.  I would have thought about all the posters in OB/GYN's offices that explain the symptoms of preterm labor.  I would remember my own experience with Andrew at 35 weeks~ showing up at a regularly scheduled doctor's appointment totally unaware that three hours later, I would be holding him in my arms. 

And yet, here I am, 27 weeks pregnant with these three precious babies.  I think of all the days and nights when waiting on the Lord was excruciating.  I think of all the ultrasounds, doctors visits, travel time back and forth to Cincinnati, and ups and downs of the babies conditions during this pregnancy.  I think of all the time I fought against the what ifs.  And then I hear my doctor's voice saying, "no one in this practice thought you would make it this far".  I also remember the stories of other TTTS mommies who have not had as many weeks with their babies.  The Lord has done great things for us~ and 30 weeks will be another great accomplishment. 

Yesterday's doctor's appointment provided a great deal of perspective for us and our babies.  Despite adequate fluid, normal heart rates and umbilical dopplers, there is beginning to be a large enough gap in the growth of our girls to warrant serious conversation about getting them out.  It is difficult to imagine that babies at such a young gestational age can do better outside than in, but with TTTS, that is precisely the case.  Eliana has only gained a few ounces in four weeks.  Isabella and Isaac are growing right on track.  Even though the thought of exposing a very small, premature baby to the world makes this mommy very concerned for her (as well as for our other two babies), I am beginning to understand that I should be more concerned about her development in a place where she cannot receive adequate resources.  It is a very different perspective. 

Micah and I have talked at length about technology.  The same advances in medicine and science that have caused there to be hundreds of thousands of embryos frozen in time are the same advances that have allowed for our babies to be cared for to this point with life-threatening syndromes.  They also provide the ability for them to live and thrive outside the womb at such an early stage if need be.  We are thankful for God's provisions in these things.  I ran across this devotion excerpt today from Spurgeon revised by Alister Begg that reminded me that my greater hope is in an even better Physician:   

He is the Physician, and if He knows everything, there is no need for the patient to know. What you don't know now, you will know later; and meanwhile Jesus, the beloved Physician, knows your soul in adversities. Why does the patient need to analyze all the medicine or estimate all the symptoms? This is the Physician's work, not mine; it is my business to trust, and His to prescribe. If He shall write His prescription in a fashion that I cannot read, I will not be uneasy on that account, but will rely upon His unfailing skill to make everything clear in the result, no matter how mysterious the process.

These words, while beautifully true and very persuasive, bring me to my knees. I should despair in my inability to be so faithful in trusting Jesus.  This is not descriptive of this gal who is in and of myself 4 needy patients at this moment in time:) Yet, it is descriptive in the way God sees me as his daughter as He invites me to trust Him.  I assure you that what you may see as trust in me is one of two things; complete and total exhaustion~ the kind where I am too tired to be anxious~ or Jesus working in me the kind of faith that takes my inadequacies in trust and submission and makes them show His perfection. It is truly compelling, coming to terms with oneself yet knowing how I am loved. Therein lies the means of moving forward with a thankful toast for today and rest in my Great Physician and His mysterious ways for tomorrow for us all.  Seeing Him offers the most valuable perspective. 

So please continue to pray.  God can choose to grow Eliana at a quicker rate or He can choose to care for her in a different way.  We and our doctors need wisdom in knowing how to best care for all the babies.  We also desire that Issaac and Isabella continue to grow well.  Andrew and Elijah are doing very well.  They have loved all the visitors we have received over the past weeks.  Having our church family and friends in and out to help with housework, take the boys outside, and bring meals has been such a blessing.  Micah is juggling!  I am so thankful for his diligence and love.  We are so thankful for his employees that allow him to care for me when he is needed at home or at the hospital.  So far, my body though stretched thin, is holding together remarkably.  I have had a few trips to the hospital, but to this point, I have been able to come home each time.  We as a family don't know all those reading and praying, but God does, and we are thankful He has brought us such a great multitude of encouragers for this season.  Blessings to each of you!

Christmastime and Another Graduation (of sorts)

It was such a blessing to be home at Christmas. It was a different year for me particularly, participating from bed rest. We have had family visiting. Both Micah's and my parents and my siblings have spent time with us. The boys have had a great time with family and thoroughly enjoyed all the extra love and attention. On top of that, it has even been mild enough outside for Andrew to learn to ride his new bike! As for the babies, it is official! We have been discharged from the Fetal Care Center of Cincinnati Children's Hospital! Since fetal laser surgery isn't offered past 26 weeks gestation (a milestone we reach Friday) and since the babies are still doing well despite small changes with regard to TTTS, we are going to be watched by our home doctor from now on. We said goodbye yesterday and made sure we got pictures of every doctor, nurse, and staff person that has been caring for us and our babies. We are so thankful for each of their God-given abilities. I can't wait to show their faces to Isaac, Eliana, and Isabella.

From this point on, weighing risks vs. benefits changes from considering surgery to considering delivering the babies. There may come a day when the risks of them staying in-utero could harm them more than the risks of prematurity. Our goal now is to keep them in as long as possible. God has been so merciful to keep the TTTS from progressing and we pray He continues. We also pray that my body holds together! I have now visited the hospital twice to stop labor. This past visit, they were able to get all the babies heart rates up on the observation screen at the same time. With a belly full of monitors, Micah and I still stare in awe~ as if bystanders, watching something complete foreign and amazing happen. Then contractions and medication kicks in and I remember quickly that I am not just watching:)

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or dismayed before the king of Assyria and all the horde that is with him, for there are more with us than with him. With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God, to help us and to fight our battles." And the people took confidence from the words of Hezekiah king of Judah. 2 Chronicles 32:7-8

Deuteronomy, Joshua, and Chronicles contain the phrase spoken by Yahweh Himself, then repeated by Moses, Joshua, David, and Hezekiah ~be strong and courageous~ as an exhortation to His people in different contexts to give them reason to not fear and trust Him. In providing for them, in fighting for them, in bringing about His own will for them, God proves His ways are sure. Those whom He loves can put their confidence, not in their own abilities, might, or understanding, but in Him. I say all of this because this is our experience on behalf of these babies. God has proven to us that they are His and He is fighting for them, and we have only to be silent (Ex 14:14).

The path is still unclear. There are moments when I anticipate the day when our doc says, "Today is the day". With all the trials, suffering, hopefulness, peace, turmoil, joy, and uncertainty of the past many weeks contextualized by where we are today, how can we not proceed as exhorted above? After all, the strength and courage comes from and rests upon God and is then perfected in us by Christ. God has continually proven that no matter the outcome, we all belong to Him and nothing can stop His plan.

Update Along With Merry Christmas

I am thankful to report that there was no change from yesterday. The doctor felt it was safe to send us home for Christmas! No hospital bed rest for now! We continue to pray through each day, one day at a time. Our next appointment is next Tuesday, the 27th, in Cincinnati.

Instead of Christmas cards this year we want to send this cyber-greeting:

May we all find our hearts bent toward celebrating God's perfect and priceless gift, Jesus Christ. We pray you each experience the eternal hope of being found in Him.

Merry Christmas!

More to Pray About

So sorry it has taken me a while to update! I have been a little more quiet lately... learning to boast in my weaknesses (2 Corinthians). These past couple of weeks have been trying. I have found myself comparing all that I lack to all that I have in Christ. All I can say is that the gargantuan difference between this gal and her Savior is astounding.

Last week, our appointment in Cincinnati went well. There was a slight change in Isabella's and Eliana's heart scores but still not enough for intervention. We had an especially great visit with one of our Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctors. He walked into the room and the first words out of his mouth were, "You puzzle me...". "In a good way or in a bad way?" I asked. He went on to say that our progress is wonderful and "this should have gotten much worse by now." Of course, we aren't puzzled at all~ just thankful that God has been so kind. We were scheduled again to return in two weeks from that day and told to follow up in Louisville in the between time.

Enter my very least favorite thing about winter... the stomach viruses that spread like wildfire through every social occasion. Elijah and I shared a bite of baked apples when he and Andrew returned home from church Wednesday night. Later on, he got very sick. Immediately, Micah took him to the couch and stayed beside him all night~ away from me so I wouldn't get it. But I knew, the damage was already done. By six that evening, I was sick. By ten, I was on the phone with the doctor on call trying to handle the threat of dehydration. By 11:30 p.m., I was in the hospital despite my best attempts to stay hydrated and with contractions brought on by the dehydration. After 15 hours of fluids and some pretty strong meds to stop the contractions, I was back at home.

Yesterday, we all spent the majority of the day at home. It was the first day we had all together without something major going on. We finished up some Christmas preparations (see picture below) and enjoyed each other's company.

Today, Micah and I went to the doctor in Louisville for our weekly check. Overall, the babies looked good. However, this mama's body is struggling to hold on to all of them. It's funny, our perinatologist warned us about all of this the first time we met him. He said that at about 23 weeks, things can start changing. Today, I am 24 weeks, 3 days. At this point, my cervix is shortening and funneling. I go back tomorrow and if it is any worse, I go into the hospital until the babies are born.

My mother-in-law sent me this from a larger devotion by Roy Lessin last week and it is so fitting:

I will not forget you. (Isaiah 49:15)
God will not have a memory loss, lose interest in you, lose track of you, or lose sight of you. He will not be thinking about you one moment and forget about you the next. He will not lose track of you. He will not lead you somewhere and then forget where you are. He will always be paying attention, and He will never be oblivious to your needs or situation.

[I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down ( relax My hold on you)! (Hebrews 13:5 AMP)
God will never say to you, “I’m sorry, I would like to help you, but I can’t.” You will never hear Him say, “I’m sorry, I would like to help you, but this is not a good time for me.” You will never hear Him say, “I’m sorry, I would like to help you, but you’ll have to wait your turn.”

At a time when I feel exhausted in every way and I feel like I have prayed the same prayers over and over, this is the God I need. This is my Loving Father.

Before I go prepare for what may come tomorrow, I would like you to see what I like to call, "Views from Bed Rest":

Sweet boy watching TV in the next room

Andrew beating Mommy at Battleship

Making a Gingerbread House

Coloring, Coloring, and More Coloring

My Cuddle Buddy

Divine Mercy

Over the past two weeks, God has shown mercy to us all. One week ago, we went for our fifth visit to Cincinnati. Isabella's heart showed even further improvement and she climbed up the staging ladder from a 3c four weeks ago, to a 3b two weeks ago, and then to a 3a last week. The other issues involved with TTTS in Eliana had not progressed further. After watching those things trending in a "going to get worse and worse" direction and knowing historically where TTTS usually leads, that was amazing news.

Yesterday, the babies were evaluated here in Louisville. They were measured well for the first time in four weeks. Isaac weighed approximately 1 lb., 4 oz., Isabella, 1 lb., 2 oz., and Eliana, 13 oz. The things we always look for in assessing TTTS in Eliana (a visible bladder, amniotic fluid level, and normal doppler) again showed no further progression. We met with our in-town Perinatologist for the first time since he sent us to Cincinnati. He was quite pleased with how things are going. He admitted that four weeks ago, he had not been optimistic. HE even used the word "amazed" and communicated the same sentiment as expressed to him by the staff in Cincinnati! He was quick to remind us that we have a long way to go, but I am so very thankful for today.

Isaac

Eliana

Isabella

Elijah demonstrating what Isabella is doing in her picture:)

When I left today's appointment, I was once again humbled at the way God is answering our prayers. I have heard two stories this week of parents who, as I type, are grieving the losses of their babies from TTTS. As I remember them, I feel more and more gratitude for each day God gives us with our babies~ and with each other. And even though I am undeserving, God in His goodness is merciful to sinners. There is no greater miracle!

Andrew and Elijah have been very patient with bed-resting mommy. I was thankful that my parents and two of my three siblings came for Thanksgiving. My mom and sis cooked our meal and my dad and brother decorated our home for Christmas. The boys loved helping with the tree and I was glad they got to do something "normal" (whatever that is:)). Thank you for reading and keeping up with us. We feel carried along both by our Good Shepherd and by His people who offer us prayers and encouragement.

Today's Update

We got great news today. All the babies looked healthy and had normal findings on ultrasound AND Isabella's echo cardiogram showed improvement! She was moved from stage 3c to 3b. Isaac and Isabella are approximately 13 ounces and Eliana is around 9. We are so very thankful. The doctor felt like we can go a whole week until we recheck them. Last Friday, Micah and I both prayed separately and without each others' knowledge that God would amaze us. Today, we are amazed~ that a syndrome that is known for detrimental progression can actually regress! We have many weeks to go, but for today we press on, continuing bed rest and heart medication, celebrating each day with our babies, and giving glory to God for His mercy on us all.

Balancing

Not long ago, I re-read the book A Praying Life for a ladies book club at my church. I had first read parts of the book while traveling all over the country with Micah's job. That was definitely a trying time for our family and I remember easily identifying with the themes Paul Miller expounds in his book. This time around, circumstances allow me to more deeply feel his words... particularly these ideas: 1) Suffering teaches me to pray, 2) I can approach the glorious throne of grace boldly, but messy~ as a child, 3) "God wants us to come to Him, empty-handed, weary, and heavy-laden." ~completely helpless. Then there is balancing praying "Thy will be done" yet in expectation of God to grant my requests. Sometimes I lay awake at night and wander through all that I am thinking, feeling, and desiring regarding the persons moving around inside of me. I am sure if my prayers were a painting, they would more resemble a Vincent Van Gogh abstract with random stokes and movement than a clear, still life (a nice bowl of unblemished fruit comes to mind). I love that as I pray here and there, engaged and exhausted, Jesus always lives to intercede for me. He is constantly fixing my ramblings and~ to follow the art analogy~ making a HD, photographic quality still life from my sparsely applied, impressionistic words.

Last Monday, we spent another day at the Fetal Care Center. At the end of the visit, we got the news that Isabella's heart was showing further cardiomyopathy. Thankfully, there were no physical changes to her heart such as enlarging or thickening, but there was indeed more stress shown in her test results. Eliana still~by God's protective hand~ had adequate fluid levels and a visible bladder. Their Doppler findings were normal. All that said, the doctor told us that if we were only considering the two girls, given the cardiac changes, we would intervene immediately. But, of course Isaac is involved. Having triplets changes decision making with TTTS. Weighing the risks and benefits, we decided with the team to continue to watch them all very closely until it is clear the benefits outweigh the risks. As a mother of sick babies, weighing and balancing risks vs. benefits feels like choosing one child or two children over the other(s). Of course the intention is to do best for all our little ones. There is just not an easy way out. And yes, it breaks my heart.

However, we arrived back again for a follow up on Friday and there was absolutely no change in any of the babies. Micah and I were so thankful God sustained them and there was no more deterioration. So we are holding firm to our plan to watch very closely with bi-weekly visits and intervene with surgery when absolutely necessary or we reach the 26 week mark when the babies could "feasibly" be delivered and therefore cured of the TTTS. They do not do surgery past that point.

We are getting very close with the staff at the clinic and testing facilities. Our Sonographer Gena, just to name one, is the same gal each visit and she is so kind. She remembers our babies names and spends a lot of time laughing at them as they bounce around the screen while she tries to gather each LVOT, PV, AV, MV, etc, etc, etc measurement. I have no idea what all those things are and how you find them in babies from 7 to 10 ounces in size, but she does. Each visit with the docs reaffirms their dedication to us and our babies as well. This past visit, I shared with the surgeon that so many people are praying for our babies- and for him. He smiled and said "That is great. I need that." So, friends, continue to pray. It is times like these that we have no other choice but to seek the Creator.

Specifically, keep praying for healing. From what we know today, pray that Isabella's heart doesn't show any more deterioration. Pray that Eliana continues to have enough fluid and grows well. Pray that through all of this with the girls, God continues to sustain Isaac. We thank God every time we get to come home and put off more risky intervention knowing that overall, the situation is stable enough for that to happen. Pray for all the people we interact with, particularly the doctors who are using their expertise to care for us all. Pray for Micah and I as we travel back and forth and for the boys as they are with different care-givers. They have been loved on through this by so many and for that, we are grateful. May all our prayers combine and reach the Father's ears through Jesus in a beautiful picture of the value and preciousness of life and in an ever increasing dependence upon Him.

One Day at a Time

First of all, we have been prayed for so much~ not just over the past few days, but in our whole adoption process. God has heard and continues to hear and we are so humbled at those who are walking with us.

After a 1.5 hour MRI, 3 hour ultrasound, and another 1 hour fetal echo cardiogram for each baby, we did sit down with the team at the Fetal Care Center in Cincinnati yesterday. First of all, I want to say that this experience has been amazing. We had the ability to watch our babies for hours. Isaac loves to kick and punch and wave. He is growing very well and likes to try to get in all the pictures of his sisters. It is almost like he knows what the docs want to see at any given moment and tries to hide that particular body part from them as long as he can:) Eliana can move from one side of my belly to the other in just a few minutes, trying to avoid pictures:) Isabella likes to straighten her legs out as far as they can go. There were times when she and Eliana would lay chest to chest and you could see their beating hearts in a single image. We watched them count their fingers and toes, measure bones in their bodies, multiple parts of their brains and bellies, isolate their tiny veins, arteries, and heart valves, and do studies on their blood flow, etc. They are~we are fearfully and wonderfully made. And the way God has gifted us to be able to see these kinds of things and get to know our babies even now is so very gracious of Him.

The Maternal-Fetal Medicine Doctor did another quick scan of the babies to show us what exactly he wanted to talk with us about and then gave his recommendations. Instead of just one ~this is what it is and this is what we do~ answer, he gave us several things to weigh. First of all, the girls do indeed have TTTS. He commended our doctor here in Louisville for sending us to Cincinnati so quickly because the girls are in the beginning stages. There is a significant size difference in the girls as well as in their amniotic fluid levels but those things alone do not show enough of a discrepancy to warrant a full diagnosis in and of themselves. However, in Isabella (known as the recipient twin), there is some mild thickening in her heart and some hypertension. Cardiac changes in any of the babies are a big concern. Although the doctor feels that surgery is more than likely inevitable, there are a couple of reasons to wait a bit. First of all, our sweet Isaac is guarding the entry point of where they would need to go in to sever the blood vessels between the girls. It would be a big risk to him to go in at this point. Also, I have a history of preterm labor and most women deliver within 70 days after the surgery. I am 19 weeks this week, so waiting is ideal since the girls are still in the early stages.

In order to treat the hypertension in Isabella and alleviate some stress on her heart, I am taking blood pressure medication. Since TTTS can move quickly, they are repeating the ultrasound and fetal echo on Monday.

Throughout this pregnancy, I have found myself realizing that indeed I need Thee every hour. God has been teaching me to pray "Give us this day our daily bread" and to be thankful for each moment instead of taking this day for granted and trying to see way down the road. I think this is where we are left today~ in conscious dependence on God for each breath, each step forward, and only one day at a time. The truth is, this is where we all live every day. The consciousness part is a gift.

However, I do not and will not do this perfectly and I do not have to. During the MRI, the gal told me in the beginning it would take around an hour to complete. Micah was allowed in the room with me but because of the loudness of the machine, we wouldn't be able to talk. I was disappointed that he couldn't even read to me, as he and I are both reading a new book together. She brought out a box of DVDs for me to choose from so I could watch a movie on goggles while in the machine. I looked through the box and just didn't feel that watching Hannah Montana, Transformers, or some romantic comedy would feel appropriate. The gal then offered some music and headphones. I thought those would help drown out the machine and give me a nice backdrop to be still and pray for the babies. Isaiah 40:11 has been a verse I have meditated on during tough days and wanted so much to have a moment to remember how Jesus carries me in His arms while I lay in this noisy tube. Little did I know, the "soft" station she chose filled my ears with songs such as George Michael's Father Figure, Katy Perry's Hot N Cold, and Elton John's Bennie and the Jets just to name a few. The "spiritualness" just wasn't happening... on my part anyway:) But Jesus loving me and interceding for me never ceased. This is not up to me or about me. It is about what He has done and continues to do. I am fully and completely dependent on Him and He is able.

It is in acknowledging that dependence that I ask you to persevere with us in praying. Jesus could fix this immediately with one word. Ask for Him to do it, but then acknowledging what is true for us today, pray that the medication would treat Isabella's heart condition and that the girls would continue to grow (especially Eliana) without more complications from the TTTS. Pray that Isaac continues to grow well. For Micah, the boys, and me, pray that we trust God with each day. Please pray for the staff at the Fetal Care Center who are closely watching and caring for our babies. They call our children by their names and we truly feel their expertise and desire to see our babies born healthy. God has gone before us and continues to go.


***For those of you who would like more information regarding TTTS or the Fetal Care Center of Cincinnati Children's Hospital, follow this link.

He Goes Before

Isaac

Eliana

Isabella

We got to see our little ones today. I listened to a song by Out of the Grey before I went into the doctor's office called Brave. It reminded me that before Micah and I even walked into the Ultrasound room, God would be there. He was waiting~ and had been there all along. As we arrived, settled in, and watched the monitor, I once again thought, He has gone before us. We saw our three kicking, sqiggling, punching little babies. Seeing their little hands and feet made me smile. Then, when the US Tech panned down to Eliana and did confirm that her amniotic fluid level is quite decreased and that she is still significantly smaller, I really needed that truth. As I cried throught the rest of the US, seeing each one of them thriving yet unaware of the danger ahead, I had to believe that truth.

So what we had prayed for~ that God would keep our twins from TTTS~ He has answered differently than we had wanted. It seems at this point, they do have Stage 1. Our doc immediately called the Fetal Care Center in Cincinnati and by this afternoon, we were scehduled to have several tests this coming Tuesday and Wednesday. The nurse with whom I spoke was very kind and compassionate and assured me that by Wednesday afternoon, we will have their recommendations for caring for our babies. There aren't many things they can do to treat TTTS, but one farily effective, cutting-edge treatment is Fetal Laser Surgery. If the specialists recommend this for us, we would go ahead with it on Thursday.

As you can imagine, we are extremely needy right now. I am going to be following the example of those parents in Luke 15, bringing my babies to Jesus that He might touch them. I ask that you do the same on their behalf. TTTS is a scary disease, but I know that Jesus is able to heal them. He may choose to use the doctors in Cincinnati~ so please pray for each of them. We also desire prayer for the boys as they are with different care-givers. For Micah and myself, I ask that each one of you hold God to His word; that His power is made perfect in our weakness. Even though this road is scary, He continues to go before and will carry us though whatever lies ahead.

Blog Award

My blog friend, Ashley at Expecting Miracles, nominated me for a blog award! After carrying 8 babies to Jesus in embryo adoption, Ashley and her husband have welcomed into their family a super-cute baby girl through domestic adoption. I have enjoyed reading the story God is writing through her life.


The Liebster Award is given to bloggers by bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers. From my limited understanding, it is simply a way to acknowledge blogs from which I have benefited and wish to share. I really appreciate Ashley for giving me such a kind acknowledgement and allowing me to share it with my blogging friends! Soli Deo Gloria!


Part of receiving the award is to pass it on so that others can feel the love! I am passing it along to the following bloggers:

1) Aaron and Jennifer, who I met on the internet through a family member who, through embryo adoption, have twins, their son and daughter, Abel and Belle. They also have babies awaiting them with Jesus.

2) My friend Jaime at For A Little While. I love the pieces of herself and her family that she shares with honesty and humor on her blog.

3) An old (not in age:)), high-school friend Anna at AM Squared, who blogs about her family, their ~newly built-looks like it's been there forever~ home, recipes, gardening, and other things. She recently won awards at the SC state fair for some of her baked goods. Congratulations, Anna!

4) I was privileged to meet my next blog award recipient, Janet and her blog Life in Focus, when she and I taught VBS together before she and her family moved to Florida. She does beautiful photography and I am always inspired by what she captures through her lens. She has another blog that is exceptional called Frugal and Focused as well, but it exceeded the 200 follower limit! It is worth mentioning anyway~

5) Finally, Heidi at O Taste and See that the Lord is Good, a gal whose husband serves our country with resolve and sacrifice. I met Heidi when her family was stationed at Fort Knox, south of Louisville. Her heart is clearly seen through her words and poetry bent on loving her Lord and serving her family.



Now for those of you who have received the Liebster Award from me, there are a few RULES for you to follow:

You must do the following:
1. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
2. Reveal your top 3-5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3. Post the award on your blog.
4. Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the Internet – other writers.
5. And best of all – have fun!

An Update

All I can say is, Praise God!

Micah's procedure yesterday showed no signs of a need for surgical intervention to deal with his hernias. Praise God! The most uncomfortable part of the whole day for him was removing the tape from his IV site! I kind of took advantage of the poor guy~ and his humorous short-term memory loss post anesthesia. Telling him the same information over and over and over (adding a few "he won't remember this in a minute" embellishments) and over was pretty funny! After a full afternoon's rest, he was up and back at work this morning.

I also heard from my doc. He spoke with the Fetal Care Center in Cincinnati, OH and they did not give our twin a TTTS diagnosis. Again I say, Praise God! I did learn that even though Eliana is a bit smaller than Isabella, they both have equal amounts of amniotic fluid given their sizes. One of the first signs of TTTS is an inadequate amount of fluid and if this does develop, we will be referred on for more testing. As of right now both girls are growing as God is intending them to grow each in their own, unique way. They will be checking them again in a couple of weeks. Please continue to pray for each of our babies.