I was nervous. My game plan was to go to my happy place ---the mountain of my childhood--- and remember the sway of the hammock, the sound of the tree canopy in the breeze, and the smell of clean air. It was a good place and a good plan, but as I took my place under the first ominous laser and temporarily lost my vision, I felt hoisted out of there for a bit. The nurse who calmly stated, "12 more seconds... now 5 more seconds" nudged me back. I am sure I left nail prints in the armrests anyway. Then, I went to another room with another laser. I tried to glance through the glass opening in the wall, knowing on the other side, Micah and a dear friend of mine were waiting and watching.
When I was six years old, my teacher called my mother and told her I was struggling to see the chalkboard. Shortly thereafter, I became the proud owner of a pair of blue on the top (like eyeshadow) and pink on the bottom (like blush) glasses. Following the various fashion trends (if you call forrest green/black speckled, maroon, and black rectangle trendy), I have remained in glasses since then. I have tried contact lenses over the last twenty+ years but those brought me some problems. Once, I fell asleep with them in and woke up with a severely scratched cornea. It gave me I-want-to-punch-a-hole-in-the-wall pain and a long recovery. In the last ten years or so, my vision had deteriorated to such a degree that I could not even see the big "E" on the wall with a side of astigmatism. I have been notorious for taking out contact lenses at night without securing my glasses first. While this scene can be humorous for those with good vision, it is terribly inconvenient since I must search two inches away from surfaces until I find them.
I wasn't sure what to think when my husband suggested that maybe I would benefit from Lasik surgery. I have heard great things and not-so-great things. If it worked well, I imagined it would be fantastic. I read all the stuff on the internet... because again, that is what I do these days. "Lasik Gone Wrong" was my preferred search phrase. I had pretty realistic expectations. I prayed nothing terrible would happen.
After the second laser finished and the smell of laser-ed ~whatever part of my eye the doc laser-ed~ cleared (gag), I sat up and immediately glanced at the clock on the wall. I noticed the 5 first. I saw it clearly except for a small bit of blurriness.
After a half-drugged ride home with my Lasik-curious friend who so kindly helped me eat without opening my eyes so much, I returned home. I kept my eyes closed for 5 hours. Then, at 11 p.m., I opened them. No glasses, no contacts, and I could see EVERYTHING.
The only reason vision correction seems so wonderful is because I have lived the majority of life not being able to see well. The other day, I got caught between a seeing-eye dog and his owner in World Market. Suffice it to say, they tried to take me home with them! ---That sweet doggy didn't get an A for the day though his owner took it all in stride. She and I had a good, hearty laugh together. What would sight mean for her? Then, I think of the blind men in Matthew 20 as well as others who got the Lasik treatment ~only far better~ from the One who created eyeballs and corneas in the first place. While the ailments may differ, the ministry of Jesus is full of healing. That is something I know something about first hand as well. The thing that seems to be true about each individual is that they all know they need help. They cried out, "Lord, have mercy on us, Son of David!"
When you know you need it, it is what you say.
Even though I have been given eyes to see, I think of 1 Corinthians 13:12 often:
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
The older I get and the more I know of myself, the more I experience just how many blinding facets of this life hinder clear vision. But He knows. And one day, faith will be sight. Then and only then will I realize the true dimness of the mirror.
The scripture above falls in a section quoted often about love. The only person that has ever fulfilled the descriptions of true love in 1 Cor. 13 is the One who's name is Love. It is difficult to imagine anyone loving so completely and simultaneously well. One day, I will see the Him face to face. If there is any clue about just how brilliant that scene, I imagine it will be much like John's experience in the book of Revelation when he first sees the One speaking to him. "I fell at his feet as though dead," he says. And Jesus will lift my chin and say, "Fear not." I believe my happy place will be changed forever... help my unbelief.