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We are a family of fifteen: eight already with Jesus and seven in desperate need of Him. This is the story God is writing in our lives. Proverbs 16:9

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Brokenness Attending & Anticipated

The days leading up to surgery were some of the most trying we have experienced in this house.  After multiple trips to the doctor, breathing treatments for two babies every four hours, and much needed fluids, meds, and humidifier fill-ups, everyone was ok enough for me to leave... and be put to sleep, completely unaware of the world... then wonder around in a medication-induced stupor for a few days.  I can't say it was easy.  Actually, it was quite heart-wrenching and difficult.  It was a good reminder to me again that God takes care of my children.  Showing Himself faithful, trustworthy, and loving is merciful to a controlling soul.  I am thankful that on normal days, He most always uses my hands.  I am thankful for the hands of others who fed and cared for the boys, the babies, Micah, and me when I was incapacitated. 

I am looking forward to living without some of the physical problems that have followed me for more than a decade.  Of course, hope is not found in the temporal alleviation of symptoms but in the Eternal Healer, Redeemer.  I do look forward to enjoying a small portion of healing for years to come by way of this procedure.  There is a part of my heart that is wounded by the brokenness that accompanies physical and emotional suffering.  It may never fully heal here.  Brokenness, like scars, will mark part of the story God is writing in my life.  However, and most gloriously, it speaks of beauty promised.  Brokenness does not ultimately define who I am because of Whose I am.     

And now, a story of how this relates to reality.

I was determined to get a good Christmas card picture.  Last year, we didn't send out card because I was resting and unable to coordinate such a thing.  We took many, many pictures.  After one evening of trying to get a family picture plus another afternoon of kiddos only pics (yes, I tried casual, funny, serious, you name it...) the babies and boys had had it with me.  Responding to the incessant, exhausted crying, Micah and I fed them and laid them all down as quickly as possible. 

I had felt their diapers earlier in the evening and they felt like if I take these off now, I will not get good use of them so we left them on.  This morning, I awoke to three, soaked babies and three soaked beds.  It was horrendous.  Needless to say, I now decree that all diapers are to be changed at bedtime, no matter how lightly damp they seem. 

Now you may see why in our family, we have instituted this:

From now on as you read, you may see a {clink} on the page.  It is because of days like these ~ when I take hundreds of pictures of the children (particularly the boys), make them change clothes, fix hair, smile like you mean it (not how you really feel), and then allow the babies to spend I don't know how long lying in their own waste ~ the Future Therapy Jar is equally if not surpassingly more important than their college fund.  I didn't have one of these growing up so I now inflict part of my therapy on you, as I send my thoughts out into the world via internet.  Thanks for the therapy, y'all:)

We all deal with varying degrees of brokenness and I figure it may honor God all the more to just plan on it as we ask for His help.  I started to calculate for past failures, but it was a little depressing.  The number of times I want my children to make me look like a good mother plus the number of forgotten Tooth Fairy visits alone are enough for me to have to take out a small loan.  God help me.  In all honesty, whatever the broken thing and however they have opportunity to reconcile it, I pray they are always led to the feet of Jesus.  He is our only hope and in Him, all my failures big and small are hidden ~thankful~.

FYI ~ Our Christmas card will be a little different this year:)

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