10. A person screeching on the stair as his (or her) feet are impaled by Legos, Lincoln Logs, and matchbox cars is better than any buzzing alarm.
9. The smell of poop deters anyone within 10 feet of our house.
8. Everything we have that might have been valuable at one time is now covered in peanut butter, snot, or is irreparably broken.
7. Most of the -at one time- valuables have now been displaced all over the house. Once you think you have found something fantastic, it will probably turn out to be one of those tiny, clear Legos that double as "treasure".
6. Most nights, someone is awake at all hours doing one of the following things:
~Trying to find the toy that just won't die (the basement? the garage? the bottom of the toy bin? where is it!!!)
~Trying to get people back to sleep who have awakened and are in the process of handing the baton to the person on the next -keep the parents awake at all hours- shift.
~Dismantling every alarm clock that I didn't even know we owned but has magically made its way into the hands of a toddler who knows how to set it at something:something early A.M.
5. My older children have been practicing pseudo-taekwondo, sword-fighting, and wrestling since birth. Their secret weapon is ~shhhhhhhhh~ stinky feet.
4. I have six toddler feet and six toddler elbows and I know how to use them.
3. If any of the cabinets or closets are opened, the contents may crush you. Then there are the hidden, half-eaten sandwiches stashed away for a rainy day...
2. There are (fake) enormous insects everywhere and they come alive in the dark.
1. Even after you think you have located them all, there is still another child somewhere who will give you a run for your money.