It seems Isaac and Isabella have learned to scream bloody murder at the top of their lungs. I know this because right now, in the other room, that is precisely what they are doing. I am certain it is because something hasn't gone their way inside the play gate. Meanwhile, Eliana is beating a drum with a guitar that makes beeping noises. On top of the screeching, beeping, and booming, Andrew and Elijah are sword fighting with something other than swords and the "Ah-ha"s! and pounces are booming through the house. The hardwood floors make the sounds vibrate and twirl through the air and land on my my tired ears. My night of inadequate rest is taunting me.
My first thought, "Peace!!! Be still!" (be aware that peace is the loudest and most angry thing I thought- and was louder than my five combined).
Then I remember, I am not Jesus ~ Hello. It does not work this way.
There is still power in His words though. Something quite different than what I had desired to happen occurs. He does speak peace--- but it is directed at my soul.
Why am I so angry? It is because I have made peace into an idol. I want it more than anything right now, especially more than allowing my children to be children in this moment. I am also dreading having to try to communicate in a developmentally appropriate way "no stealing" to my one-year-olds and then get the boys back to their schoolwork. Being a gal that has the law of God written on my heart, I know that idols are bad. To make matters worse, this isn't my first idolatry offense. The conviction is painfully beautiful.
There is also this bit of mommy-forward-thinking that knows there will be a day when I will miss these noises. Just yesterday, I was thinking about writing about all the milestones the babies are reaching and how very much they are growing into more independent little people. I easily take for granted that I have a safe place for them to learn, grow, and play and that I can be with them in the process. Being a mommy is such a blessing and that heaps guilt on top of the conviction.
I recently attended a conference with speaker Elyse Fitzpatrick. My favorite part of the entire presentation was her exposition of the life of Christ and the way He lived to fulfill the Law through his time on earth. This morning, her words remind me that He never desired peace wrongly. He beckoned children to come to Him (even the noisier ones). He always accepted His Father's will and never felt guilt for taking anything for granted. Even when He was mocked and abused, He kept His composure most perfectly, loving His enemies along the way.
The truth is, Jesus is Peace and I am His. He has made peace with God on my behalf. And don't I need it. I have been loved, so now I am free to love. To the praise of His glorious grace!