the Now and the Not Yet

And so the medication begins. After a great doctor's appointment, a crash course in giving myself injections, and training for Micah to administer some as well, I am officially under the influence of the preparatory drugs. Thankfully I have that heading to categorize the physical and emotional struggles that come along with forcing my body into being ready for our little ones. Because of the clear goal, each headache, mood swing, food aversion, or whatever else comes along is clearly in the context of a larger goal. It's "for the babies!" we all say. It is a pretty humbling and precious goal. This is not so much different than other parts of life. Each one lesson, trial, success, pain, relate to far more than those things in and of themselves. Even beyond that, each momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory (1 Cor. 4:17). How tender our Lord to guide us, not ignoring the present or the difficulty, but giving, preparing, and securing future hope.

We are all learning that keeping our eyes focused ahead strengthens our hearts and gives us the ability to do whatever today asks of us. I realize that in this blog, I am changing my pronouns at will from singular to plural which is grammatically incorrect, but this indeed is a family effort. God has grown love for our babies in different ways, but we all experience that love together. The boys sing to me every day when injection time comes "for the babies and for Mommy who has to be brave!" Today, it was a hip hop song they had heard on the Disney Channel and I will say it is easier to do anything- including give myself a shot- to a beat! Elijah gives me practice shots with his doctor kit (Sometimes, he says I need up to 15!!! So glad he is not in charge!!!). Micah serves us all with sacrificial love and devotion. He has the privilege of giving me the much larger injections in a couple of weeks. Talk about a marriage builder!!! Andrew has grown more responsible with helping mommy out in the house and catering to my needs. He also knows that if I might want a snack from the kitchen, there is probably one in it for him, too. I just have no idea where he gets his love for all things sugar from;)

Looking ahead also has kept us aware of potential outcomes. I don't particularly like to- nor think it is helpful to- focus on what might be, but a dose of reality is necessary in readying our hearts and preparing Andrew and Elijah for what might be. Micah and I continue to remind them that all the embryos might die in this process. But we pray that they all live and are committed to do everything physically possible to help them but know that ultimately, we do not decide. It is with much fear and trembling that we give these children our hearts and many parts of our lives. For me particularly, I will be giving them my body. With every new medication and doctor's appointment and side effect, I am more and more physically invested. The cost is different for our precious sons and I do not claim to know what all it entails. God is preparing them for His purposes and knows what role this experience will play in His story in each of their lives. What we do know for the babies is that these sacrifices will result in either them being born into our home, or being born into God's. Really, either outcome is good for them. Isn't that what adoption is all about in the first place? Bringing orphans into the care of a family? God knows best whether that family it ours or if He will usher them directly into His. In the meantime, we all take one day at a time; one step at a time; one truth at a time.

This post has turned into something totally different than what I first intended! Thank you for taking this journey with us. We know there is an investment for each person that knows and loves us in this as well. God uses each of you to give us encouragement and for that, we are so thankful. Hopefully, as you read where we are, you will know how to pray for us- all of us.