August is for...

It is that time again! 

August means two things around here:  The State Fair and First Days of School!

My family and I have been to the State Fair almost every year we have lived in or around Louisville.  I have to say, we became our own exhibit this year:)  I love annual events.  I love thinking back on all our arrangements entering the fair gates; first with friends, then Andrew, then Andrew and Elijah, and now big boys and a baby train.  God's works are so very unexpected and remarkably unmatched. 

Which brings me to Andrew and Elijah's first days of school.  Even as I say that, it feels as though school lasted the entire year last year~ because it did.  Out of necessity, we continued to home school through the summer to keep the boys on track for Andrew beginning 3rd Grade and Elijah 1st.  They (and I) had a bit of a break... but no so much.  Last week, the boys and I started a new curriculum for their appropriate grades.  At the end of the week, I was sure we were completely crazy trying to homeschool and raise three, rolly-polly babies.  Part of my struggle was the inevitable learning curve that comes with new curriculum (which I really like, by the way).  An even larger part of my near-breakdown was the fact that I have never done this before with three babies in the house!  Sometimes you don't know something until you know it, you know:)?

Micah and I sat down and had a this is what we have chosen so let's do our best to make it work meeting.  And thankfully by the end of last week, we all have a schedule that has a 75% to work out, so we hope.  I will keep you posted on that one.  All I know right now is that people are conjugating Latin verbs, using lots of pencil lead and erasers, and, well, learning stuff.

The babies are learning, too!  We had the first ever ~Baby Race to the Ball~ tonight.  Isaac could have made it if we had left him on his back (he scoots backward!).  Isabella was up for it but still can't quite figure out the whole leg-arm thing.  Eliana was more interested in doing something totally different.  I have a feeling it won't be long...

Goodbye, Anakin

I am sitting here, watching my boys interact with their doggy in our living room for the last time.  This picture is from their last walk together:

If you are wondering his beautiful Carin coat is so short, it is because he was attacked by fire ants this past week and I had to cut hundreds of them our of his fur, poor guy. 

I am so sad to have to write this!  There are events in life that invite me to trust in the writing of the Divine Storyteller.  This is one of those things.

We are giving Anakin to another home.  He is such a smart dog and is very obedient to me.  However, after obedience classes, reading, establishing myself as the pack leader, working with him, and getting advice for over a year, we have come to the sad conclusion that he will be a happier dog in another home... probably one without children. 

He has always been a feisty dog and we have loved that about him.  We love that he is so smart.  He is very protective which is a good thing.  It can also be a bad thing.  He has tried to bite several guests inside and outside our home and has even gone back to growling at Elijah.  With three babies starting to move around in the house, this is troubling.  It is beyond my limitations to continue to work with him at this time given our family's circumstances. 

Honestly, I feel like a failure.  I feel like I have let Elijah and Andrew down.  I feel like I have let Anakin down.  I don't like it when I can't figure something out.  I didn't want things to turn out this way.  I pray that the damage done to two little boys having their pet taken away is small in the long run. 

All that said, this is just another reminder that I am not God.  It is best for me that I do fail or that things don't go my way.  It is good for me ~and my boys~ to experience hard things.  It is soul shaping to go through times where it is obvious that we are a part of a holy drama and that the Director is always loving, always patient, always carrying us through this troubled life.  It is also good for me to rest in the fact that God loves my children more than I do.  I was talking with a good friend recently who reminded me that there are events, good and bad, that will be part of the story God is writing in their lives.  Then, I think back on my part of God's story.  He has never left me alone in pain or wasted a hurt.  God can be trusted with using well all our experiences. 

So to ease the sting of losing a pet, we gave Elijah another animal to love on; a guinea pig now named Leia (as in Princess Leia, of course)... unless Elijah calls her Stella... which he sometimes does for fun.  Both he and Andrew still miss Anakin, but are glad to have another Star Wars' character-inspired pet.  I wonder if she knows how to use a blaster...

    

A Day for the Big Boys (and Fun for Us Too)

Yesterday, Micah and I took the boys to King's Island in Ohio for some much needed parents/big boys time.  It was such a blessing to have a friend who was able to keep the babies at home for the day~ since I don't think roller coasters are recommended for 6 month olds~ although, the boys like to theorize throughout the day which rides the babies would like.

We had a blast.  Actually, if you ask Elijah, it was one of the "best days of his life" so far. 

With much anticipation and sunny skies, we ventured inside and ascended the 1/3 size Eiffel Tower to get a view of the whole park.

After getting the lay of the land, we made our way to the first ride, Surf Dog- strategically chosen by Elijah.  We took our seats and the boys dialogued about whether or not they were scared.  The consensus was no, just excited.

Then the ride began.  Through out the duration, Andrew laughed with delight.  Elijah, however, repeated the phrase "Mommy, I want to get off...  I want to GET OFF...  I want TO GET OFF!!!  I WANT TO GET OFF!!!"  Bless his little heart!  I kept trying to reassure him that it would be over soon and that he was safe.  After the longest two minutes I am sure he has ever experienced, he calmly walked off the ride and headed directly to Andrew's choice, Flying Ace Ariel Chase.

Again, Andrew loved it ~ Elijah, not so much.  He was such a good sport and didn't sit out any ride a 46" boy could attempt (without us having to encourage him too much either).  I think at the end of the day, he even enjoyed the scary ones (Elijah: No Mommy).  I do think he would do it all again (E:  No, I wouldn't).  I don't think he was that scared (E:  Yes, I was).

We haven't visited many amusement parks with the boys.  Andrew especially hasn't ridden much other than kiddie rides.  Well~ apparently that isn't a prerequisite for some serious roller-coaster enjoyment.  He and his Daddy even conquered The Beast--TWICE!--, the longest wooden coaster in the world. 

He loved that ride, as well as other super-fast wooden coasters.  He did conclude that he doesn't care much for the "loop-de-loop" (as he and Elijah called it) or corkscrew.  He and I rode the Wind Seeker which ascends 30 stories.  That is one brave boy.    

I think our favorites were the rides we could all experience together like the log ride and one at the water park called Zoom Flume.  We waited for about an hour for that one in particular but it was definitely worth it.   

I remember as a child looking around at the adults thinking, I wonder why they aren't having as much fun as I am?!?!  Now, as an adult I know.  It is because, friends, being a grown up is exhausting!  While it was a sincere joy, it wore Micah and me out trying to keep up with them all day!  At the end, I had left my stomach in so many high-up places I thought I might hurl and my body was sore from all the jerking, swinging, and bouncing.  Of course there was always ~just one more~ ride to go on before we had to leave.   

On the way there and back, we did pass landmarks that reminded us of our travels to Cincinnati just months ago.  It was good to show Andrew and Elijah our hotel and the hospital exits and recount the circumstances that had led us there.  We all (with the boys in adamant agreement) missed the babies and are so thankful we were headed back home ~ to where we would all be together again.

What a Difference...

So teach us to number our days, that we may present to you a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

 

But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption, so that just as it is written, let him who boasts, boast in the Lord.  1 Corinthians 1:30-31

My, how things change.  One strategy I employ to quench my insatiable appetite to cope with uncertainty, difficulty, and as of right now, exhaustion in life is to think, "just give it a week", or "wonder what this will be like in a year from now".   I have written in the past about remembering as a means to hope in the future.  This spiritual coping mechanism is born out of recalling the faithfulness of the Lord as His Spirit so gently leads me.  As I look back, I am encouraged beyond words.  This exact time last year, I had just learned that God was allowing us to spend more time with our babies.  I do remember wondering what our lives might look like a year from then ~ and prayed as Micah would lead, "that the babies would come be with us". 

Well, here we are!  This is fairly typical day in our household:

Some days, I get up before everyone... some days I don't...
7:30-8:00 am ~ Feed Babies Bottles/Get everyone dressed
9:00 a.m. ~ Feed Babies Cereal/Make sure Big Boys are fed
10:00 a.m. ~ Babies Nap/School time with Big Boys
Somewhere in here babies wake up
12:00 N ~ Feed Babies Bottles
I am supposed to be starting vegies and fruit at lunch... but that hasn't happened yet...
12:30ish ~ Feed Big Boys
After lunch, we have some play time with the babies
2:00 p.m. ~ Babies Nap/School time with Big Boys
4:00 p.m. ~ Bottles (again)
Boys and Mommy are starting to lose their minds... so outside/basement play time or quiet time (whatever the situation demands) happens somewhere in here...
Daddy arrives home and there is a chorus of rejoicing!
5:00 p.m. ~ Feed Babies Fruit, Vegies, and Cereal
I make dinner sometime afterward...
6:30ish ~ Dinner for all over 3 feet tall
Bath time, play time, Daddy time, family time
8:00-8:30 p.m. ~ Feed Babies Bottles and get all the kiddos in bed
*** Please note:  In between all these times are the bouts of fussiness, diaper changes, correction, hugs, laughs, smiles, jokes, reading, spills, dancing, people dressing up like superheros, etc.
*** After the kids are in bed, then the race to do all the things necessary for a new day begin (laundry, cleaning up whatever has gotten messed up, dishes, etc.) and usually, Micah and I fall into a parental coma. 


Don't misunderstand; this is my dream job.  I love this.  I love that I can write this kind of schedule down.  I remember going through years of infertility and then secondary infertility, never imagining this kind of life for myself.  It is a hands-down, ricidulously undeserved, undeniable gift of grace and mercy on a sincerely idolatrous, ungrateful soul.  But with deep joy, profound love, and a multitude of mommy ~ child opportunities (as well as husband ~ wife ones:)), there is unending exhaustion.  I do find mixtures of sadness and joy knowing that this kind of physical, moving a child from place to place, feeding to feeding, nap to nap will have an end.  There will be a day when my big boys have much more freedom and my role in their lives will be more influential than hands-on.  There will be a day when my babies will be bigger and saying, "Do it myself, mommy!"  And then there will be a new set of unending mothering challenges. 

Amid the thousands of breaths that support our day, grace is unending, and love is constant.    

Micah and I sometimes look at each other at the end of the day, and he will say, "Babe, God has been so good to help us get through today."  This past week in particular, he has been gone a lot.  If you have seen the news, you know that he has had multiple opportunities to serve the community around his Chick-fil-a location as well as his employees.  I am so thankful for the crew he has to share in his work days.  They have proved to be steadfast and full of kindness.  I had the pleasure to work with him on Wednesday and can report that what I saw were lines and lines of patient, loving faces.  The past few days, he and I have not had our end of the day conversation and I was once again reminded that we are not the ones who hold our family together either as a unit or as individuals. 

So, what a difference a year makes!  And what a remarkable, enormous difference there is in 6 months!  Can you believe that on this day ~ also a Friday ~ our babies were born? 

I am happy to report that Isaac is a talkative, smiley boy with strength beyond his age.  He has even begun singing, which is a lovely sound.  He can push himself backward and loves to do boppy backbends. 

Isabella can now roll from her back to her tummy.  She is exactly in the center of the growth chart for her actual age!  She loves trying to mimic her brother and is happy to squeal. 

Eliana is going through an even-tempered stage.  This little one loves to eat.  She also loves to make herself look like as big a girl as possible.   

I am sure that another six months from now, my days will look completely different.

A Few Summer Photos

 

Beauty in Birthdays

We come with beautiful secrets

We come with purposes written on our hearts,

Written on our souls

I love the Genesis narrative ~ God creates the earth and all that is around, in, and, on it. He calls these things good. Then He creates man, male and female, in His own image and it is very good. Thus men and women have distinctive, intrinsic value. In addition, we have God's artistic beauty that is each individual. Like snowflakes, there are no two human beings alike. He took what He had made ~ dust then bone ~ and used those as a medium for human life. Our created-ness plus all our experiences combined with our giftings make us all wonderfully, beautifully different. Even our identical girls have differences that add uniqueness to their characters.  As we live out our lives, we express purposes given only to us that point to our Creator.  God is so kind to show His power in all of these sacred things.  I think this is why birthday's are so special. We celebrate the day we are born and another year to live, but we also celebrate who we are.

As my children add another finger to the "how old are you?" question, I also celebrate their growth in every way.  I have watched them thus far almost every day of their lives and the changes in them are astounding and miraculous.  This year, we celebrate Elijah, the reader, thinker, witty, impressively coordinated, passionate, full-of-laughter, big-brown-eyed boy that is becoming a young man.   

As I grow, I am thankful that God is so faithful in continuing to complete what He has started.  It seems that as I get older, I see just how miraculous grace is~ as I feel more and more confronted with who I once was... But God (see Ephesians 2).  Creational beauty is one thing, but salvific beauty is another.  And it is here that I find myself resonating with Mrs. Groves and praying the same for my children as I wonder what purposes are written on their souls.            

July 1:     Tiffany, 33 Years Old

July 2:     Elijah, 6 Years Old

July 3:     Isaac, Eliana, and Isabella, 5 Months Old

And this is grace,

an invitation to be beautiful

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces

Calling out the best of who we are

And I want to add to the beauty,

To tell a better story.

Shine with a light that's burning up inside

~Sara Groves, Add to the Beauty~

Amazing God

Our God is greater

Our God is stronger

God you are higher than any other

Our God is Healer

Awesome in power

Our God, Our God

~Chris Tomlin, Our God~

I hear these words many many times a day. It is now referred to as Ellie's song~ you can see why below. Elijah took this video of her this morning:

The boys sang this at Vacataion Bible School (one of their very favorite weeks) this year. It was the first year I didn't volunteer and I have to admit, I did go through a bit of withdrawal. The babies and I spent the mornings at home in relative quiet. I love my big boys and all their noises but it was nice to have a time to abide in the mornings. I listened to sermons online and some lovely music. I enjoyed each minute~ but will also enjoy having Andrew and Elijah back in the mornings.

I love those guys. They teach me so much. They have such unique perspectives on life and are a major catalyst in propelling me toward the throne.

At VBS this year, just like every year, there was a writing contest. Andrew has never been eager to enter. Elijah just joined the big group of school age kids so this year was his first opportunity to write. This was the topic the year: Describe how you have seen God's power in your life. You couldn't have asked a more easily answered question to anyone in this family.

Andrew, Elijah, and I were in the kitchen late the night before the deadline. I was baking cupcakes and helping them spell a few words. Elijah decided to write about a time when he was sick and God made him well. For Andrew, he had the perfect testimony~ the babies. He wrote that they were "supposed to die" but God "blessed us" with them instead. He then wrote that when he grows up he hopes he trust Jesus and desires the same for the babies. Amen. It made this mama an emotional wreck.

After the boys turned in their writing assignments, we spent Thursday afternoon visiting the doctor and nurses at the Embryo Adoption Clinic and my High Risk OB (shown). They were so glad to see them thriving.

As the babies grow I cannot help but rejoice in each stage. Our family knows of other families grieving the loss of a baby or dealing with difficult diagnosis right now. Every day, I ask "Why me". I do not deserve these blessings. They are not reciprocal for anything in my life. When I think about the way God has wept with us and now, every day, shows us His divine handiwork in ways even my big boys cannot ignore (and believe me, they can ignore a lot), my heart overflows with thankfulness. Andrew won the contest in his age group but has gained something much more in remembering the works of the Lord and delighting in the benefits of attributing Him with amazing wonders.

...Elijah, the camera man, take 1:

A Report and Relationships

I am not sure in the history of moving that picking up one home and relocating it to another has ever been as quickly executed as this past Friday.  Amazing!  The community of friends and family that helped was just incredible and we are so thankful.  As I sit here, with the exception of Micah's library, there is not one more box to be opened.  There are even pictures and curtains on the walls!

Speaking of community, it is such a blessing to be near our church family.  It will be good for us to have closer proximity to our fellow sojourners that naturally create opportunities for us to love them as they have certainly demonstrated love for us.  It is no wonder that God created community among believers.  One thing I realize more readily is the way I desire to be seen~ known yet not defined by my faults and found in the benefits of the gospel~ and see others the same.  There is no better place to practice that in a big group of broken people called together by a loving Savior.  On a practical note, the boys love the house!  We have learned (many times by force:)) contentment in whatever place God has provided us in the past to live but this is quite nice for little boys who can play outside as they please.  More dirt is a good thing:)     

We are so thankful for this place to settle in and spend this next season together.  I feel like an eager spectator watching my children grow.  Elijah is going to be 6 in a few weeks and reminds me every day that there is always something more to learn.  His birthday wish list grows more everyday and ranges from Legos to a Sleep Number Bed.  He wants an American Ninja Warrior party with a real obstacle course...  I am still working on that one.  Andrew is such a conscientious big brother and told me the other day that he "just loves all the babies", mentioning them all by name.  He is learning patience with his most immediate little brother who is still his best friend.  I love Andrew's frankness.  He reminds me to call things as they are seeking truth in an attitude of love.  Isaac laughed for the first time two days ago and Eliana (Miss 10 pounds!) rolled from her back to her stomach the day before.  Isabella is working on sitting alone.  She and Eliana look more and more alike every day.   

    
Micah is six weeks out from his back surgery. He is fully recovered and is happy to be in a more functional state these days.  I have been taking a turn at writing a Bible study for my future sister-in-law.  My baby brother is getting married!  And he and his fiance have asked Micah to perform their ceremony.  They will be visiting in a couple of weeks and we will begin some pre-wedding conversations.  You can pray for me.  The institution of marriage post-fall shows the most beautiful picture of the gospel.  Quoting from Dan Allender and Tremper Longman in their book Intimate Allies, "Marriage is a paradigm of God's pursuit, passion, and purpose in creating and redeeming His people."  I tend to depreciate it in daily life with my husband and am appreciating light once again in the scriptures.  Where I have an opportunity to encourage a gal to love her husband and in turn, know more of her Savior, I want to take it~ but with the hope that God will ultimately be the Teacher and Jesus the One she and my brother cling to in their relationship.

So we come as we are and you as you are to this odd cyber-community.  And even here, love is real.

Sappy Day

It was a sunny day, June 8, 1994.  A guy and girl made their way out of a brick ranch with a wide front porch.  She paused just outside the door as he continued down the stairs and sidewalk.  He turned around and smiled.  "I'll miss you," she said contemplating the week ahead, knowing he would be very far away.  "I love you~," he said with his voice gently rising.  She felt her heart melt then spring up with joy.  "I love you, too," she replied.  I am going to marry him someday, she thought.  And less than four years later, she did.

I am so glad I did.  Micah Martin Childs ~ I don't love you ~ But I always will.

An Open Letter...

... to all those we pass ~ in the mall, on the sidewalk, and in other various public places:

We see you and we know you see us.  We love that you stop and smile at our babies (ladies) and stroller with the steering wheel (gentlemen).  We love that you are drawn to them.  We love your expressions.  We want to make eye contact, stop, and allow you to stare at our children.  The reason we may keep moving sometimes is not why you may think.  Instead of not wanting to talk to you, as you may feel by our brief pause, the polar opposite is true. 

We want to talk~ in fact, it feels entirely unsatisfying to respond to your kind comments with a simple, "Thank you" or "We are very blessed" or "God has been so merciful to us".  We want to tell you about the God Who created, sustained, and saved our babies from harm.  We want to tell you about the days we prayed for them along with a congregation of others.  We want to show you every picture so you can see how they have grown.  We want you to know about the others still frozen, waiting on a chance to be free. 

We want you to know how thankfully we are for their big brothers as well and that their births were also miraculous.  We want you to know them and the way they pridefully love their siblings and pray for them with the kind of faith only demonstrated by children.  We want you to know there are 8 more children waiting for us beyond this life who we cannot wait to meet someday. 

But more than anything, we desire you to know the God Who is more powerful than the combined energy of the universe but gentle with those whom He loves.  We are witnesses to His wonders and know that He is actively willing and working on the behalf of all those who are called by His name.  When you see the face of our babies, they bear His image.  Their smiles cause even a mournful soul to joy in new life.  But those smiles are only a shadow of the smile of our Father Who has reconciled sinners to Himself in His Son, Jesus.

We would love to say all of this every time we meet an awed stranger.            

Provided For & Adorned

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.

The Proverbs 31 woman.  She is a fearsome thing to behold... or she would be if she ever existed.  By God's grace there are women I know that do exhibit those characteristics described in this famous passage.  It always puzzles me though, that the more I try to be like this gal that is perfect wife material, the farther I move away from showing why she is so God-glorifying.  Either I try and fail and beat myself up for days or I accomplish something I think compares and become puffed-up, unable to reflect a Greater Glory with the focus off of me. 

But I am here to bear witness to this Great Glory.  How do I do this in light of our present circumstances? It certainly doesn't feel very dignified to be kicked out of our apartment... even if it is for having three babies ~ miraculously born and beating all odds ~ at once.  It seems cruel and unfair and at times, embarrassing.  The amount of strength needed to refrain from entering into a pity party or seeking vengeance in a self-serving way is insuramountable.  And how do I laugh at such situations?  Having a safe place to raise our children is at the top of Micah's and my priority list. 

Of how much more value are you than the birds!

I remember when Micah became the owner/Operator of Chick-fil-a at Jefferson Mall, we had only a short time to move out of our corporate apartment and find something that better suited our family.  The place we found (where we currently live) has been the perfect location for us.  God planned for us to be just a few minutes from the hospital where our babies and I would spend so many weeks.  Now that we are in the hunker-down-at-home-and-raise-children phase, God has once again provided us a wonderful place to do just that.  We have been given many contacts for housing inquiries and the prospects seemed few and far between.  Apparently, Ford is bringing a very large number of employees in to our area and they need rental properties.  We have been praying about being more near our church so Micah contacted a gentleman about homes in that direction and found that a rental had just come open.  It was the perfect timing.  He had just been given the OK to show the home and had not even had time to list it.  There are so many things about this place that meet our needs so well.  So really, Jesus words are proving so true.  Even though moving is difficult, I believe it is a blessing in disguise... After carrying the babies up and down the stairs, in the rain and in the heat (sounds like an up-hill both ways story, huh?!?) I believe it is indeed a blessing.

Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 

Luke 12:27

I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Isaiah 61:10

But our story extends far beyond what is happening to us.  God is working for us.  I, as a daughter of the King whose execution of the ideals I see in Proverbs 31 are far from excellent, have been adorned in the One who is perfectly strong and dignified.  In Him, I have already died to controlling my future and trust perfectly in His ways.  Today, I resonate with giggling at the future and laughing off the thought that I am not taken care of~ whether strained, or evicted, or trying to make sense of current realities.

To evoke a good laugh, I thought I would share this picture of Andrew and Elijah reacting to all the babies crying the car at the same time:

"Look at all those babies!" ~ Andrew

**If you previously read this post, I used the word infamous to describe the Proverbs 31 Woman.  While intimidating, she certainly is not infamous.  Please forgive the error.  It was a mistake on my part. 

Playing Dress Up and Other Photo Ops

It is really fun to dress the babies in coordinating outfits.  Usually I try to take a picture or two of them all cute and matching.  They don't always find it as fun as Mommy...  I am sure there will be more of these to share in the future.

Before the shoot

Sweet Bear and Doggie Summer Outfits ~ They like these:)

Eliana Rollin' on the River, Isaac with Tiger Claws, and Isabella doing the Sprinkler (I must have been playing 70's music)

Red, White, and Blue!

Eliana, practicing her Plie' while Isabella cheers her on ~ Isaac just wants to go play.

On Their Best Behavior

Not coordinating... just hilarious!

These babies are growing!  Last week at their well check, they weighed:

Isaac ~ 11 lbs. 5 oz.

Eliana ~ 7 lbs. 15 oz.

Isabella ~ 11 lbs. 14 oz.

Here are Andrew and Elijah in their current attire:

Andrew just lost his 7th tooth!

Elijah wearing the title "Big Brother" very well.

In this ensemble, Andrew is wearing Elijah.